Just Follow your heart, they say...
One of the biggest challenges we face in getting this whole love thang right, is the sheer volume of mis-matched and mix message advice floating around!
Some of the advice, simply no longer applies in our modern age of dating and love.
Some of it is steeped so deeply in patriarchy tea, you just can’t even get it down.
Some of the advice is right for us, and some of it, simply isn’t.
I wanted to take a moment to unpack one of the the most common advice tidbits, that cuts really close to my own personal bone; and how right sizing it, for who I was and where I was at, when I was single and looking for love, was so vital.
Hold on to your floppy hat and your so on trend rose tinted oversized sunglasses, lady because THIS was truly the pivotal moment my love life started to really change for the better!
‘FOLLOW YOUR HEART’
image; Aki Tolentino / unsplash
Aw, so lovely, right? I mean, who doesn’t want to take up the wholehearted torch that women as fierce and amazing as Dr. Brene Brown is channeling? Everywhere we turn, we see this template of leading with the heart working so well… in entrepreneurship, career changes, travel, family and general life trans-formative exploits from some of the most influential thought leaders of your time!
It’s really imperative, we zoom out the lens a bit here.
To live a wholehearted life, one must have, well… a whole heart! A heart that, though scarred, is well healed. A heart that has done the work of reconciling past mistakes, learning the tough lessons and risen stronger than ever.
In short. A heart, that can be trusted!
Back in 2006, one of the hardest things I had to rumble with, was surrendering the fact my heart could NOT be trusted.
My heart was a wild, wanton crazy lady. She cared not for reason or risk, and oh my did she the track record to prove it!
She consistently made some really horrendous choices in love, and was so confused herself, she was speaking in tongues.
(I can’t even begin to tell you, how bad it got on the occasions my heart and vagina synched up on their quests for love, #YIKES #TITANICLEVELDISASTER #ALTERNATIVEFACTS)
Um, yeah. AT THAT TIME IN MY LIFE. we made a pretty bad team, my heart and me. She was the conductor of the train wreck that was my love life, CHOO CHOO, and I felt like I was hanging on for dear life. And I wasn’t happy. I wasn’t living a whole hearted life where love streamed in and back out, of my every move!
image; Muhammad Faruque / Unsplash
On the side of the train tracks, battered into loads of tiny bits was my confidence, trust, self-worth, self-love and integrity.
The moment, I stopped letting my heart be the solo star of the show and cast my brain, my body, my reason and my spirit as equal players on the stage. Things started to shift.
I didn’t forbid my heart from participating! I just tuned the volume knob down a bit on her, so some of the other crucial elements of my decision-making process, could be heard too.
That’s about the time, I asked for outside help. A put my faith, trust and money into a coach who could help me navigate, heal and become whole hearted.
I started to get some real clarity on what I really wanted in a partner and what I was going to NEED to ‘make a relationship work’. Slowly but surely, my confidence and self-worth were not only re-built but soared to new heights.
I also faced off with my fears.
I had no idea until then, just how much my fear of...
being alone.
getting it wrong.
not being perfect
being rejected
being made to look a fool
making the wrong choice
and that there wasn’t enough love out there for me to get my share…
WAS RUNNING MY LOVE LIFE!
Mama needed a new outlook, badly.
image; James Garcia / Unsplash
And I needed to take charge of love, with my WHOLE self, like I was doing in every other area of my life.
Once the heart was tamed, healed, loved by me and no longer speaking in jibberish… WOW, she was my biggest most trustworthy advocate