NO. This is NOT another email about politics! Whew!
This is an email about a crucial relationship tool that every thriving couple needs in their repertoire.
This is the exact time of year, where between the manic chaos that can be the holiday season, we have that pervading need to reflect. The whole ‘new year, new you’ bonanza is almost upon us, and before we can look forward, its natural to look back on our year.
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One of the tools I teach couples to incorporate at least annually, if not semi-annually is the skill of having open conversations about where they are at, where they want to go, and what is and is not working in their relationships, and in their lives.
If you can’t come together, and have these sometimes hard but wonderfully productive chats with our partners… free of judgement, free of blow back… then you will miss out on a the life transforming aspect of partnership. See, ‘we are gathered here today, to get through this thing called life’ (thanks PRINCE!) and if we are not in relationships, that are true partnerships, where we can have a free flow exchange of ideas and support, then what is the point of it all?
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When is the last time you asked your partner what they were happy about in their lives? What they wanted to see change?
Notice, I DID NOT even go there on the relationship yet?!? We are not here to just check in on the relationship, but also check in on the person who means so very much to us in this world. To express concern and also to offer care, if needed.
Today, I wanted to provide you with an super beginners, easy template to get your very own ‘State of The Union’ talk going.
Cause’ darling, SURVIVING is not enough… I want you two to THRIVE!
Photo by John O'Nolan on Unsplash
Remember, this is a two way street. You BOTH need to answer these questions.
It may be an impromptu conversation, however, often a bit of warning works best. Give each other time to think about these questions, before you meet to have this chat.
First, outline some ground rules. This isn’t a ‘WE NEED TO TALK’ doom and gloom exercise. This isn’t an opportunity to argue or to defend your corner. This is about a safe space, where we can open up, get honest, and take great care of one another! Think of this as a general health check up at the doctors.
Ready? Here we go!
Part one: Health check on your partner’s overall happiness.
What went really well for you, in your life, this year?
Is there any part of your life, you are not happy with? What would you like to see happen differently?
What can I do to help?
Part Two: Health check on your relationship together
How are WE doing?
Is there anything you think needs to change or improve in our relationship?
Have I done anything to hurt you or cause you worry?
What can I do to be a better partner for you?
When we have this conversation, this time next year, what NEEDS to change between us? And what NEEDS to stay the same?
Would it be easier if we had outside help to accomplish these relationship goals?
Super basic, right? Notice, this isn’t a bitch fest. This isn’t just focusing on the bad, but also and starting with, what is going well.
Try not to cherry pick this list too much. There is a method to this madness. Starting in a positive place, and starting on you as individuals, is by design. A very evolved expert design, dearest one!
I would LOVE to hear back from you, how our conversations went! Drop me a comment below.