Self Care During Crisis Tip #7: PUT PEN TO PAPER!

Who knew, when I launched this Self Care During Crisis series, we would still be here, in lock down 4+ weeks later!?!   I don't know about you, but week 4 was a real b%tch!  I entered the doldrums zone... week one was fueled by anxiety, week 2 was the motivation to do all kinds of things around the house and for my business, week 3 almost felt like normal, but week 4, well, I hit a wall.

How your pandemic going?


Regardless of how long this goes on for, know this... I  am here for you!  And I'm more convinced then ever, that peppering my usual dating & relationships messages w/ self care, was and is the best way I can be of service to you, during this tragic and difficult time.

Self care and your own mental well being, plays a direct role in how you give and receive love!

Onward and upwards, my darling!   Let's get to the next sanity saving self care tip!

Emotionally regulating can be a huge challenge when our minds are whirring along at a 1000 thoughts per minute.  This week, I want to encourage you to empty out all those thoughts onto the page.   All the emotions, fears, anxieties, anger, frustration swirling around in your mind, put the pen to paper, and dump them you.

Some of you may recognize as similar to The Morning Pages, in the Artists Way.  And the concept is similar, with a bit of a twist.   Take out a journal or blank page, and just starting writing ANYTHING that comes up.  Even if you have to start by writing 'blah, blah, blah, to get the hand moving and the brain juices flowing.  

This is a free write, with no care for grammar, spelling or even if it makes any sense whatsoever.  Visualize you taking your head off your shoulders, giving it a good shake, and dumping all your thoughts in there, onto the page.

Image credit: neven krcmarek via unsplash

This is a clearing out, a purge. Nothing more, nothing less.

When you are done, take a deep breath, fold the page or close your journal and leave all your fears, anger, anxiety, emotions and frustration there.


There is a lot of neuroscience to back up how the brain and hand connect deeply in the writing process.  Let is all flow out of your mind, through your pen, and leave it all there on the page! 


Feel free to do it morning or night or in the middle of the day, when you are feeling overwhelmed and need a good ol' tidy up in that head of yours!

I have already had some many clients tell me what a gift this practice has been in their life.  I can't wait to hear from you, how it works for you, dearest one.

Self Care During Crisis Tip #6 - Seek Out The Kindness

I hope you found some time for yourself this Easter Weekend.   As you know, I have been offering up Self Care tips, to help you through this very stressful and scary time in our lives.  Self Care is a small part of what I do, to help those who are single AND those who are in relationships, but it has an important impact.  We cannot expect others to solely responsible for caring for our needs, and those who value self care, have healthier relationships! 


Today, I want to talk about the great act of self care that is shifting your every day focus away from negativity, which will only heighten our anxiety levels, and mindfully FOCUSING towards the kindness out there in the world.

Photo by Slim Emcee (UG) the poet Truth_From_Africa_Photography on Unsplash

It is all too easy right now, to be absolutely overwhelmed by the infection levels, death tolls, politics in the news today.   Too easy to allow our entire perspective to be coloured by the rude people in the line at the shops, the reports of people flouting the lock down,  police harassing people who are just going into work because they have to, our healthcare workers struggling without the proper equipment,  and a social media news feed clogged with complaints, insults and fear.

My self care suggestion today, is to zoom in, and ACTIVELY SEEK OUT THE KINDNESS... the helpers, the good stories, the feeling of the rain on your face, the cherry trees fluttering their pink blossoms outside your window.


The stories of an entire village coming to their front doors to sing Happy Birthday to a man turning 100 years old.  


Of Joe Wicks donating all the proceeds from his 'PE for the Nation' classes to the NHS.


Dolly Parton not only donating loads of money to find a vaccine, but also reading us bedtime stories for free!


People who,though on lock down and struggling to make ends meet, are making masks and scrubs for healthcare workers.


Of neighbors and friends, going out of there way to help on another during this pandemic.

I am not saying to ignore the unsavory reality of what's happening!  I am saying, mindfully spend more time and energy on the good, then on the bad

As I walk down the street taking the dog for a walk, I can choose to stand under the lilac tree, breathing in its sweet fragrant offering AND I can stare at the pile of trash left on the curb that hasn't been picked up for days.

HOWEVER, I NEED RIGHT NOW, to choose to spend more of my time and energy on gently pulling down a low hanging branch of that lilac tree just to really allow it waft all it's glory on me, to notice the blueness of the sky as its glorious backdrop... AND NOT spending way more time and energy complaining about the trash, calling the local authority, calling neighbors to vent etc...

Focus in on the kindness, be the kindness (!) we all need right now, to yourself and others!

Avoid the pitfall of spending way too much time and energy on spiraling down the rabbit hole of doom and gloom, on constantly cycling through transgressions and faults, missteps and villains. 

Make sure you are not only just, balancing it out, but consciously spending MORE time and energy on the good, on SEEKING OUT THE KINDNESS that is out there to be celebrated in spades!

As always, I hope this message inspires you to take care of yourself during this crisis. 

And... I love hearing back from you all on how your are getting on implementing these tips! COMMENT BELOW! :)

Are you TWO bickering your way through the holidays, again?

The holidays can be rife with bickering, arguments and disappointment with our partners. The stress levels of trying to have ‘the best Christmas ever’ or winning the approval from the in laws come Hanukah, mixed in with running kids to even more activities than normal, buying the absolutely perfect gifts for every one on your list, end of year meetings and reports by the sleigh load at the office, all while putting on your best sparkling party dress for dinners and drinks(!!) truly exasperates the cracks and wounds in our partnerships.

Happy F’ ing Holidays to one and all, right?

Ahem. Notice I used the words exasperates? Not creates?

Stress puts humans into survival mode. And in survival mode, our masks drop. Because, ain’t nobody got time for that. Old hurts, festering resentments bubble to the surface, unfettered by our normal level of control.

We lose out temper more easily. Our frustration levels skyrocket. And Bickering can become arguments to door busting fights in the blink of an eye.

The good news? Aside from some serious Zen Buddhist holiday makers (of whom I have yet to meet),

IT HAPPENS TO US ALL AT THIS TIME OF THE YEAR!

Then we do something incredible regretful. We open the door to shame, and invite it to our holiday party. We berate ourselves and our partners with phrases like… It’s Christmas For heavens sake! Or “Can’t we just have ONE holiday season without doing this??! , Really? You want to ruin the holiday season, again??

So how can we get better at this? How can we lean into the acceptance that stress is exasperating our emotional state without said exasperation taking over, and yelling like a banshee OR spending days doing silent treatment?

I want to offer up two concepts to help you navigate this holiday season with more compassion and place happiness under your tree.

First up…

CONFIRMATION BIAS:

Confirmation Bias is where we have already decided something is true, and then seek out, both consciously and unconsciously the evidence that supports our theory.

We say, “He’s ALWAYS late to get the kids!”  And so, what do we focus in on?  The two times he picked them up on time? Or the four he was late?  When we are in confirmation bias mode, we won’t even be able to see the two times he got it right.  All we seek, and therefore see, are the four times, he did not.

When we believe “Every Christmas, she gets so crazy, I can’t stand it!”  We wait, quietly, patiently like that creepy Elf On The Shelf, popping out with a mighty AHA!! GOTCHA!!! When she comes in with yet another box of expensive Christmas baubles or snaps at the kids whilst decorating the tree. 

In Confirmation Bias Mode, we are blind to the moments and events, where our partner behaved in total contradiction to this belief we are holding.

Confirmation Bias antagonizes our old resentments and annoyances about our partner.

Next up…

MINDFULNESS:

We want to become way more mindful about our language. The language we use in our own heads, first.

Words like ALWAYS, NEVER, EVERY TIME, NOBODY, EVERY BODY are red light indicators we are formulating a limiting belief. These all encompassing, finite words make our emotions, what we FEEL LIKE sound all too factual.

ALWAYS late to grab the kids?

EVERY Christmas she gets crazy?

The reality is… it’s not ALWAYS, OR EVERY TIME, OR NEVER, OR EVERY BODY… but it can sure feel that way. And when we confirm those feelings with language, we are primed for a good fight.

Let us, at this wonderful time of the year, try to foster more goodwill in our partnerships. To spread more cheer to one another.

I’m rooting for you both to win, my darlings. Now, let’s get you rooting that way too!

p.s. Can you imagine if you applied the above, to a fraction of the family that drives you mad EVERY December?!?! ;) WOWZA!

Happy Holidays from me and the hubba hubba! xx