I have had countless people book their Breakthrough To Love calls to speak to me about a relationship that has already ended, and moving on is proving hella elusive. These folks are often in various stages of grieving the loss of this relationship, from denial, to bargaining, to anger and many are still woozy from the shockwaves in a state of ‘what the heck just happened??!??!
The word closure has such a lovely ring to it.
Such a finite feel of doors closing, mysteries being solved, hurt being healed. However, in many romances ending, closure evades us. Sometimes its because we didn’t get to have that final conversation in a mature calm manner, or have questions about what went wrong, or the ending was so catastrophic, all we are left with is a bit of rubble, some leaving jabs made from a hurt place by both parties and little to no chance of ever speaking that our past partner again. We can easily become convinced that in order to have closure, the collective WE must be present for to debriefing. In the absence of our departed love, every friend, family member, social media post can be where we hash out and re-hash from every possible angle, desperately seeking closure. Heartbreak and rejection, real or perceived, can truly level our confidence and self worth.
Ultimately, deep down to our core, we want to know one thing. Are we lovable?
If any of the above sounds familiar, dearest , here's a truth bomb you need to hear.
YOUR EX DOES NOT HAVE THAT ANSWER.
That person you are determined to corner somehow for that all important full autopsy of what was your relationship, can never give you the answers you really need. If they couldn’t reassure you while you were together… yeah, it’s definitely not happening now. Let that shit go. Because…
ONLY YOU CAN PROVIDE THE ANSWER.
And my darling, you must learn to find that answer yourself, or any relationship, no matter how wonderful the other person is, how perfect of a prince or princess, how honest, kind and loyal they are… it will never be enough to resolve what keeps derailing your attempts at loving and being loved. I won’t tell you it’s always an easy journey. No ‘in 3 easy steps you will’ kind of snake oil being sold here! This road can be long, typically not a straight shot, but my god, it is so lush!
This important quest goes way deeper than all the articles abound on self love you may read on the internet. Way deeper than a million affirmations repeated daily can ever serve up. The journey I take many of my clients on, is a road to absolute knowledge of their worthiness of love. Love requires vulnerability and vulnerability requires trust. Trust in ourselves, first and foremost. Cause if you don’t trust yourself, how the hell you gonna trust someone else??
Are you ready to stopping asking 'why me'? And start believing, it's gonna be me?