Ladies, I NEVER advocate playing games or adhering to some patriarchy steeped Dating Rules however there is some next level witch craft rooted in decades of phychology research that we would be silly to ignore AND can dramatically change your results on dates and even the dreaded pre-date messaging phase, we all love so much…NOT!

Lemme’ run you through just a couple of them, right now!

First of all, I feel the overwhelming need to let you know, this is not a post about Contouring! Whilst that is some truly coven level witchcraft, it’s not what is going to make or break the date for you. Actually, it has VERY little to do with looks at all.

SCARCITY

image credit: bobby rodriguezz via unsplash

Whilst there is a whole lot of chat about harnessing the power of Abundance Mindset in dating, a lot of that chat is from me, there is a YING to that YANG, we can empower too.

People want what they can’t have.

It’s been proven time and time again, across marketing and advertising, and there are more than a handful of you, that have stories of chasing that unavailable person. Why is that?

When something appears too readily available, to accessible, too easy, the unconscious brain DEVALUES that thing.

A quick way to apply that in dating?

IN MESSAGING…

Stop messaging back the moment they send you one. This applies to those messaging interactions where they wander off, and maybe even ghost for a few days and then slide back into your inbox. If you are always quick to respond, you are appearing ‘readily available at all times’.

FOR A REAL LIFE FIRST DATE…

Set the date up, sandwiched into a busy day or evening. Let them know, you’ve got plans with the girls, a friends b day party, etc.. HOWEVER, you do want to see them and can do so for a glass of wine or a cup of coffee between this and that time.

We cover A LOT in this one move. 1. Hi there, I got a life! 2. I AM indeed interested enough to squeeze you in. 3. A hard ‘out’ so that you can leave the date with them wanting more OR if it’s a train wreck.

BE PLAYFUL

No. This is not the part where I tell you to giggle and flutter your eye lashes!

This is the part where I tell you TO HAVE FUN!

To loosen up. To let go of all that anxiety AND to offer your date the same!

My very tippy top tip to do so?

Suggest a date that includes an activity. A fun activity you will enjoy. Like, bowling or quiz night, or a games room, or a open mic comedy night, amusement park, surfing or a hike, (a hike in a well lit well populated place! #safetyfirst) a game of tennis…

You see what I am stirring in this cauldron, right?

Why? First of all, can we ditch the two people sitting across a table over coffee on an interview look? Ditch the pressure to keep convo constant and flowing? Ditch the nerves and that awkward exchange all together?

When we incorporate an activity, we have time for meaningful chat and time where we are focused on something else other than just the other person or ourselves. The opportunities for playful touch, eye contact and shared laughter, rise exponentially. When we let our little kid out to play, our confidence and ease, also rise!

And darling, stay weird. Don’t you ever dim your light, because you are afraid someone won’t like you for who you are... you’re here to find someone who will LOVE you because of it, quirks, silliness, flaws and all!