New Year. New Love Life!

You might be wondering why this Love Letter is coming a good week and half after the ball dropped?  That first week of the year is a social media frenzy of ‘New Year, New You’ goal smashing inspirational paraphernalia, which can help to kick start the 2023 momentum however it fades from the news cycle on your timeline, fast.   If you are anything like me, I start off very strong on January 1st, and quickly and surely the resolve that resolutions take, can wane.  So think of this weeks Love Letter, as a pick me up before all the steam of your ‘new year, new you’ whistles out. 

What type of resolutions and goals should we set around our dating life? 

Here are a just a few of my favourite few ways to create some tangible change in your search for love.

1. GET OUT, OFTEN.  

Shake off the winter hibernations doldrums, and step out of the online dating comfort zone by actually getting out to meet real people in the real world.  YES! It IS possible to meet people in real life! In fact, in our post lockdown zoom screen glued world, people are more eager for face to face connection than ever before.   Check out some local hobby clubs, interest groups, and pub quiz nights and, if you are really ready to grab 2023 by the proverbial horns, check out your local speed dating and singles nights.

2. LET ANY OLD FLAMES DIE OUT

Whether 2022 saw you fall prey to the bread crumbing trend of people stringing you along, or you’re cyber stalking your ex’s Instagram… it’s time to let that shizzle go.  Do the work to heal your heart and free your mind to be truly open to new possibilities.

3. DO AN ONLINE DATING PROFILE REBOOT

Time to ditch the older pics,  add some new ones and be unabashedly and unapologetically you, all over that ‘About me’ section.   My clients are always amazed when we do a full revamp of their online dating profile how much of an uptick in swipes and quality of messages and people they attract.

If you do nothing else, but these 3 things, you will notice a shift in your dating life. 

If you know, these things would help, however are not going to be enough to truly transform your love life, it might be high time we had a chat.  Book your FREE Breakthrough to Love call today, and lets get some quality time to talk about where you’re at and where you want to go, with love.

Has lock down changed dating? [LOVE LETTER}

I am gleefully easing back into our normally scheduled program @ Love Letters, as the light of the lock down tunnel grows brighter.  You will still see some Self Care During Crisis tips being sent out, which I truly hope has helped to ease your path with some much needed coping skills during this pandemic, but it's time to jump back in to the love talk, with both feet baby!

So how has lock down changed the dating world?  And, what extended impact will Covid 19 have on your search for love, moving forward?


This has been a crazy couple of months, and for many the initial reaction to facing lock down was 'Whelp. there goes any chance of a love life!'  

However that couldn't be further from the truth.   Love always finds a way.  

I have had so many clients navigating dating during lock down, and discovering there are some huge pluses. 

How has the world of dating weathered a pandemic?  

Well, it's actually flourished!  This, is how and why.

Photo by Allie on Unsplash

THE HOW:

Ya' know how it feels like all your days are spend on video calls lately?  Along with work meetings and family calls, that's where dating moved too.  Zoom, Whatsapp Video Calls, Facetime, you name it, people have been meeting up to have a date on it.  And I do mean, dates... some go as far as making dinners to eat across a candle lit screen together! 

It may sound strange, even crazy.  You may be reading this with a wrinkled 'oh no I won't' nose right now... but it's happening and you are missing out on something truly transformational in online dating, since the first online dating app launched!
What is really lovely about this new pandemic wave format of dating, is that it pumps the breaks on the physical aspect and can super charge the intimacy building aspect of dating, which we have all been missing!

You can actually spend quality time, talking to someone and not just worried if they want a one night stand.

I have guided many of my private clients to up their virtual dates, by doing an online pub quiz, or doing a game night... either by participating in the loads being put on by others, or creating a game to be played just the two of them.  And, beyond raising the fun factor, it's made each of them feel like they actually went out for a night! 

('Going out' what are those words I am saying? I mean, i can't remember what 'Going Out' or 'Plans For the Evening' even mean anymore lol)

The dating industry, has followed virtual suit.  Moving speed dating and singles nights online, with great success.

People are finding that taking a physical step back from face to face dates, has proven to be a massive step forward in building more authentic connections.



Is it solely just online dating, extending to further 'online' dating? 

Many people are have 3-6 virtual dates and then, depending on how well those go, moving to meeting people in real time.  SAFELY!

This is a virus no one wants to mess with, and social distancing is proven to stop the spread.  So how do you date, while socially distancing?

Here are some great ideas, that people are loving right now AND are safe to pursue.

Original Photo by engin akyurt on Unsplash

SOCIALLY DISTANCED...

• Park Walks! 

• Picnics!

• Sunset drinks!

• Going for a run!

• Gazebo BYOB cocktails!

Outdoor dates are fab, because not only are you keeping healthy by staying 2 meters/6 feet away, you are in a well ventilated atmosphere.  Make sure you bring your own picnic or drinks and stay within the recommended Covid guidelines.



One of the greatest tools for dealing with attachment issues that cause us to go a bit crazy with fantasy OR get our running shoes on, is to slllllooowwwww down.   And this pandemic has slowed down dating, and the results can be pretty magnificent.

Photo by Kimberly Mears on Unsplash

So WHY is lock down changing the dating game and driving more authentic connections than ever?
​​First and foremost, the chemicals released on the brain during crisis, are EXTREMELY similar to those released when we fall in love.

Seeking out alliances, connections and community is a natural survival response to threat.  There is more power in numbers.   Back at the beginning of this whole mess, I sent out a love letter warning against falling in love too quickly during a pandemic, with very good reason.

HOWEVER,  it's not all bad. 
​
I know this pandemic has created an opportunity for many of us to take stock, re-evaluate and re-group around what's really important in life. This will naturally extend to our love lives, as well.   Its been a scary few months, and facing it alone, can really spot light our singleton status. Isolation during lock down, brings the very natural human emotion of loneliness right to the forefront for everyone, regardless of relationship status.  

The long lasting impact as we come out of Covid 19,  will be desiring connection and partnership will rise up.  People will be dating more intentionally and with a greater sense of purpose.



If you are already on the virtual dating train, I would love to hear some of your stories.  If you feel inspired by this email to jump in with both feet...

COMMENT BELOW… OR join us over at our girl gang fb group, click here ----> FEMINISTA SEEKS LOVE.

We rose from the ashes... blood and a whole lot of tears to find LOVE!

and YOU can too!

Image credit; Photo by Darius Soodmand on Unsplash

Let's hit the rewind button for a moment...

NYC, 2008; I found myself sitting on my Upper East Side front stoop, in tears, feeling so very left behind, and wondering what the point of it all was.

I had just got off a call, where I was informed of my exclusion from our annual friends ski trip, because it was now a 'couples thing'.   OOOOOF! Right in the stomach! 

My friends, all recently into new relationships, thought they were saving me from an awkward week of being the 7th wheel. All I felt was this absolute confirmation, that I was less than whole for being single AND that I was now firmly running way behind the pack. That they were somehow moving on, and I felt so very stuck. It hurt, and triggered something right to my core.


There I was, strong woman, super successful in my career, a great social life by most standards, living in one of the greatest cities in the world, and feeling so alone and lost. testTHATlower2, I was str8 losing the plot, on my East 87th street building stairs!


I was so far away from my hearts desire, of love and partnership, I might as well have been on the other side of the galaxy.



 

WHY COULDN'T I SEEM TO SORT THIS AREA OUT?

WHAT WAS WRONG WITH ME?

WAS I BROKEN?!?

 

Hitting rock bottom in dating, saved my love life.

Surrender, saved my sanity.

And a coach, turned my life, right side round.

Waving a white flag and finally asking for help in the arena of love, literally saved my sanity. It empowered me to a level of wonder womaness that I didn't know was possible, and didn't really know was missing!

My self esteem, SOARED! My Confidence BLOSSOMED! And my tolerance for BS in every area of my life, dropped as I learned how to boundary like a boss, and really have my voice heard!


 

Oh, It also netted me the most extraordinary partnership with a truly wonderful human being, who is so very worthy and able of building a life beyond my wildest dreams with!

Darlin' It ran so much deeper than just getting on on dates.

So much deeper than all the 'drive them crazy for you' tomfoolery I was reading about online.

And it was so not about learning the secret location to the bat cave where all the good men were hiding!

It wasn't easy. It wasn't pretty on some days. But that worthy work, was one of the best decisions and investments in me, I've ever made.



 

Oh, and....

 

I AM NOT ALONE!  

My clients experience this same love life revolution and
deeply personal transformation!

So much so, they wanted to share their experience, with other women, like YOU!

Here is a quick peek at Katie's story;

Catch Katies full testimonial under my RAVE REVIEWS

 

And the lovely superstar, Ruth! 

Read Ruth's full testimonal under my RAVE REVIEWS

I am filled with such incredible gratitude when I receive these powerful testimonials from my clients.  My heart just swells up against my rib cage with joy!   That I have been able to help them facilitate tangible change in their love lives, AND short circuited the process that took me years AND years of blood, sweat and a whole lotta tears to figure out, simply because I was so convinced, I had to figure this out all on my own!   I look back now, and I realize how crazy pants that was... and how I wouldn't and didn't hesitate to ask for help AND invest time, money and energy in my career, education, social life, heck even my travels... to get the results I wanted!   


I hate to get all bragalicious over here, however one of my superpowers??  I have the actual mileage of working with incredible women and getting them results they never knew possible.

The proof is indeed in the pudding ya'll! 




Can we real talk for a moment here?

There are a lot of folks out there who use the term 'expert' and claim they will help you attract the love of your life in 6 days (?!?!)... I'm not one to mince words, so let me boldly call BULLSH%T!   on all that snake oil shizzle!

Transforming how we seek, attract, give and receive love is truly epic and worthy work, that takes time and a whole lotta heart!

 

Both of which I have no doubt, you have in spades, dearest one!

Before I leave you today, I want to let you know, my Spring 2018 Private 1-2-1 Coaching Programs are almost filled to the brim, with just 3 spaces remaining!  If you are serious about revolutionizing your love life, stopping the endless going no where messaging of online dating and start getting out on to real 3d dates, with real 3d people in the real 3d world, the simple truth is, I CAN HELP! 

2018 is cruising at top speed, and if you're not getting anywhere closer to finding that extraordinary partner to share your life with, let's get on the phone and have a chat!  FOR FREE!

I am offering up a my signature FREE 45 minute Breakthrough To Love Call today, so you and I can get right down to it, and start sorting it!

Let's go on a first date, lady!  BOOK YOUR CALL! 

The LAW OF ATTRACTION... WTAF is it? And why is it NOT working for you?

The Law Of Attraction is bandied about these days like wild fire.  Celebrities, CEOS, coaches, gurus.. you name it, THEY LOVE IT!

 
So, WTAF is the Law of Attraction?  And how does it work?  

AND, DOES IT EVEN WORK?!?!

Simply put the Law of Attraction is the universal law that states that every person has the ability to attract things into their lives through their own thoughts and intentions.
 

The Law Of Attraction states, that if someone is thinking and believing negative things all the time, they will attract negative things into their experience.  If someone is thinking and believing positivity things all the time, they will attract that into their experience.  In theory, ( and how most people speak about it) people can use the Law of Attraction to attract situations, experiences, money, people and even, material objects into their life.

 
(Before we move ahead, I will be referring to the Law of Attraction from here on out as LOA, to streamline this a bit, for me and you.)

 

A great deal about what is said about the LOA is only HALF the story! 

Attraction is ONE OF TWO forces contained in magnetism. The other is REPULSION.  Magnetism does not operate without out both poles. In other words, if you accept that you ate currently attracting elements (both good and bad) into your life, then you must accept you are repelling elements (both good and bad) as well, simultaneously.  In fact, you are probably repelling a lot more than you are attracting!  Your entire life experience, everything you have attracted to you, is very small in comparison to all the possibilities that are being repelled. Which isn’t necessarily a bad thing. There are good reasons to repel more than we attract. One reason, of course, is that if we attracted ALL THE THINGS, it would be quite overwhelming!
 
I had three simultaneous really wonderful job offers once, and it was absolute agony trying to decipher which one was the right choice!  What if that was ten offers? Twenty? 

Head. Officially. Done. In.


The LOA claims that by focusing in our intentions, words and actions towards the things we want to attract, that is exactly what comes our way.  If we are focusing in on all the things we DO NOT want, then similarly, those are the things we attract.  If you pick up your phone for a online dating swipe fest, filled with dread, wondering just how the people on the app will be wrong for you AND disappoint you... If you enter into this engagement filled with the conviction that you will be ghosted, waste your time and find catfishes galore, then THAT is exactly what you will find during your swipe-o-rama.

If we drop out the ‘WOO’ factor completely...

We can prove out time and time again that, changing or mind-set, being more positive, has a profound effect on our confidence, however it also has a profound effect on our physicality.  Our tone, stature, body language and even how widely and genuinely we smile, is impacted, which of course is going to also hugely impact out engagement with other people and things!  Even in the virtual world, on the days we are seeking the negative, we will find our eyes drawn to just that.

 
*WARNING* the Law of Attraction is SO MUCH MORE than simply sitting around thinking positively about how everything is possible and chanting ‘Manifest! Manifest! Manifest!!’  

It’s is and needs to be so much more than repetitively thinking, saying and setting our intention, with ideas and statements like, “I will have lots of money” or “I will have all the love”.    

Affirmations will not do the trick alone!

Please DO read on, as these next TWO crucial bits are what will, either make the Law of Attraction actually work, or not work! 

 

For LOA to be functional, there must be CLARITY. 

We must know exactly what we want and need in which to to attract it.  The LOA requires us to use acute visualizations and descriptors for our thoughts and mindset of what we want to have, be and do, in order to consistently call it out to the universe, and attract it.

 

If I walk down the street, yelling,  'JOB JOB, I NEED A JOB. ANY OL’ JOB. I WANT A JOB!'

I may actually attract some job offers.  Do I want to work in the mobile phone store? Or the flower shop?  NO?  Oh, well maybe we should be saying.. JOB! JOB!, I want a digital marketing job with a fortune 500 in San Francisco, JOB!  

 
Similarly, it is incredibly helpful to boost our positive thinking with “I am ready for love” or 'I am lovable” however, that’s not using the LOA. 

If you walk down the street chanting 'LOVE, LOVE SEND ME THE LOVE, ALLLLL THE LOVE. ' The Universe may very well respond…  with a puppy!  Erm, helllllo, PUPPY!!!!! OMG!!!  HOWEVER, I bet you meant something, a bit different?  We don’t want just ANYONE who wants to love us… someone with a pulse, a plausible sex addiction and £/$200K in debt, though crazy in love with you they may be, is not the look or the partner, you’re going for!

“BE CAREFUL WITH WHAT YOU WISH FOR. 

And I do mean, TAKE GREAT CARE…

Take great care and time, and energy, heck” even some money AND get crystal clear on what exactly want to use the LOA for... visualize, journal, speak with people who love you about it, take a long hard look at your past, get a coach, see a therapist...do whatever it takes, so you can craft a clear picture and concept around love, your future soul mate & partnership.    
 
 
 
Last, MAGNIFICENT, life changing part of the LOA?

Alright, in order to get to that I NEED to say this next thing...

One of the largest proponents for LOA, is 'THE SECRET'. 
 
Straight up, I'm NOT A FAN of The Secret.  Lemme tell ya why! 

The Secret, in a nutshell, asks us to visualize and act as if our future intent is already our present. 
 
And now, we’re back on to that street… chanting I AM A LOTTERY WINNER, I AM A LOTTERY WINNER, I AM A…
 
Hold up mi’lady.  Have you even bought a lottery ticket?  Oh, no?  Erm….


 
Now, how about chanting “I AM MARRIED. I HAVE A FAMILY. I AM MARRIED. I HAVE A FAMILY!”
 Oh boy. Who's looking all crazy pants on the street now? 

And again...  "Are you actively dating right now?  Oh, I see. You took yourself off all the dating apps and don't leave your house other than to go to work?!?!  Erm...

What’s really interesting, is many of the original Secreters (is that a thing?)  who traveled the world speaking about and teaching this, are now reporting back something really important.  They say, if they could do it, write that book, all over again… they would add one TREMENDOUS things that is currently missing.   ACTION!

ACTION!!!!!!

Here’s is the deal.  For the LOA to work, YOU MUST BE DOING!  You must take actions, take risk, make time (oh yeah, no overnight sensations) and even spend some MONEY, to attract the things you want.

Its gonna take some WERRRRK, girl.  Hard, worthy work! 

I can and do give the women I coach all the heart mending, mind blowing, world changing tools & techniques in the world, however if they don’t TAKE ACTION… by embracing them, trying them AND take the show on the road… ZERO RESULTS!  WOMP WOMP.

However, when THEY 'DO', take those brave actions, step out on some faith and take all the magic, out on the road... WOWZA!

In closing;
Being open minded to new ideas, to new possibilities plays and taking on a more positive mindset, is step 1 of LOA.
 
Being honest, and I mean dig deep, SHAME FREE, honest about what and who you are looking for in a relationship and partner to create that crystal clear visualization is step 2 of LOA.
 
And being WILLING, to do the work, to take some risks, to take action on those new ideas, new adventures. To push yourself way beyond where you have been, is the final CRUCIAL step of LOA.

If you want something new & different, then you are going to have to DO something new & different!

Your Guide To THRIVING This Valentines Day, SingleAF!

My darling fierce single ladies, 

Oh my, here it comes.  Do you see it?  It’s Valentine’s Day… and it’s here to puke heart shaped everything, ALL OVER YOU AGAIN!  

And I know, that you know, that I know, that YOU KNOW... Valentine’s Day is an uber capitalist, made up holiday designed to monetize love and yet… YOU STILL FEEL IT!  Right there, like punch to your very single heart! 

It’s a jungle out there today in modern love and dating; swipe after soul crushing swipe is getting you know where closer to finding that extraordinary partner to share your already amazing life with, or heck even go on a second date!

Just when you’ve bravely survived the holiday season and New Year’s.

Just when you start to grasp onto some of those ‘New Year, New You’ resolutions with some manner of tightness…

 

Lord, help us all, is that FEBRUARY 14 upon us, already?!?!

Babes, I got you.  As your personal feminist LOVE COACH allow me to offer up some incredibly tried and true options, that my clients absolutely love when the dreaded Valentines Day comes knocking in its pink sparkly onsie, that will keep all the angst and despair at bay!   I mean, hey now, at least there’s loads of chocolate on sale come Feb 15th HOWEVER, let’s find more than discounted chocolate covered yumminess as consolation prize, shall we?   Actually, F@CK THAT, Let’s not just survive V Day, LET’S THRIVE!

I have put together a neat little list of ideas for you to actually look forward to February 14th AND I’ve even combed through all the muck, mire and heart covered BS of events on offer in London, for some truly unforgettable SINGELTON Valentines Night out!   

Not in London?  Use this list as inspiration, as you let your fingers do the walking all over that blank google box, cause a lot of the ideas are not tied to location and events just like the ones I mention are happening in a city near you, too!

(p.s. I’ve also included a little of heart shaped Valentine Gift from moi’ to you, at the end of this article.  That’s right, I’m sending you all the love, in the form of some real time tools to help you find and attract the partner you really want, and deserve!)

Get your Wonder Woman boots out of the closet, dearest one… WE’RE ABOUT TO SUPER POWER OUR WAY THROUGH V DAY, SingleAF! 

V DAY THRIVE OPTION 1; 

Get all GALENTINES DAY on it's ass!

Photo credit; levi-guzman via Unsplash

Get together with the current loves of your life, your other fab single GF’s, and celebrate each other!  Yup. There is more than just either being in a relationship OR avoiding Feb 14th like it’s a plague.  In fact, there is a whole diaspora of amazingness on the spectrum between those two traditional V Day options.

Here are some #squadgoals AKA Galentines Day ideas to inspire you;

• MOVIE NIGHT;  Take in a movie on Feb 14th with your squad!

Winchester; Why yes,  I will indeed coven up with my ladies and join Dame Helen Mirren for a night of frightful movie going!  That’s right, no weepy rom-com, which frankly is part of the messaging that is killing modern love and dating anyways, and let’s go right to some good ol’ horror. 

50 Shades FREED -  I mean come on, it’s the ultimate chick flick anyways, so why not get your entourage up and out, and drooling a bit over Cristian Gray??

• Host A Dating Horror Story Awards Night

Have a pot luck dinner party with ALL your single friends, girls, boys and beyond the binary, where each one has to tell TWO of their own dating horror stories.  The Winner with the most cringeworthy story gets a plastic bedazzled crown and hailed as the Ultimate Date Fail Queen/King!

• Get em' up and out!

 Check out one of the many Anti-Valentine’s parties happening in your area. I’ve curated my top picks happening in London, just for you!

1. The empowered women of BUMBLE is hosting an Anti- Valentines event @ one of my fav spots for a bit of fun, BOUNCE! Get your ping pong skills set to ninja!  MORE DETAILS ON THIS EVENT HERE

2. Celebrate Galentines Day by letting your real soul sister, QUEEN BEY, be your guide for some late night single shenanigans!  The Yonce 'Valentines Day' Experiecne @ XOYO on Wed 1r4th of Februart will be playing Beyonce tunes from 10pm -3am, NON STOP! All my singles ladies, UNITE

DETAILS ON EVENT HERE

Or push yourself way outside your postal code… Did somebody say ROAD TRIP??

Hit up skyscanner or whatever your preferred flight app is and play a game of Flight Yahtzee!  Select up to £40 for return flight, and spin the wheel of chance. Then randomly choose a city break based solely on the flights in that price range.  Rock up as a truly empowered INDEPENDENT LADY solo or grab a bestie and wander a new city together.

V DAY THRIVE OPTION 2;

THE REAL QUESTION...

Can you FIND LOVE on Valentines Day?!?!

photo credit; Mayur Gala via Unsplash

If you’re game to find out… Here are some really interesting singles events happening on Valentines Day, for the SingleAF out there in the wilds of modern love & dating!

1. FUCK TINDER

A speed dating comedy show! 

After two completely sold out runs in Australia, as well as sold out shows in Singapore & Edinburgh, f**k Tinder is returning to London.Designed to get single people together to have a good night out, chat to interesting people and do a lot of laughing.  FYI Tickets go fast to these events, cause they’re just that good!   MORE DETAILS FOR EVENT HERE

2. BAES R US

The folks over at BAES R US, have Vday Speed dating nights spanning the Valentine Day period for whatever your sexual preference.  Baes R Us is a fun and fast alternative to the tyranny of Tinder nightmares offering a modern twist on romance. Meet like-minded young creatives offline in a relaxed & cozy setting; the smoothest selections of music all evening, let loose ice-breakers + free cocktail on entry.  (14/02 is Gay, 15/02 is Lesbian, 16/02 is Str8 night)  MORE EVENT DETAILS HERE

3. GET AN EXPERT IN! 

Join ME for a FREE Online Masterclass on Sunday the 18th of February @ 8pm UK (3pm EST / 12 noon PST) as I dish out some of my absolute top tips to starting BOSSING Online Dating!  I will show you how to stop the confidence killing swipefest that is online dating in its tracks and start getting out on real dates with the right people for you, FAST!  I

LEARN MORE AND CLAIM YOUR SPOT HERE

My darlings, it’s time, to push way past your old mode of coping, by simply trudging through Valentines Day like February 14th is just another day, and you are all out of f@cks to give. 

If we want something different, we are going to have to do something different, to get there! 

Spread your strong, independent woman wings, and FLY! 

(*Please note; I am NOT, in any way, associated with the above events or event curators, nor financially benefited by your attendance in any way.  Just being your opinionated, benevolently pushy (ahem, American) LOVE COACH, filtering though all that’s out there to present you with some of the best options on offer)