Self Care During Crisis Tip#4 - Gratitude!

Today's Tip for self care during crisis, is one centered in gratitude.

We are all experiencing this pandemic collectively, at once yet each of our experiences will vary.  Some of us are simply working from home, instead of at the office, some are living in lock down, self isolating, temporarily out of work, quarantined or working like crazy in essential services,
REGARDLESS OF YOUR RELATIONSHIP STATUS... I wanted to take some time to offer whatever help I could. 


I was speaking to a dear friend last week, she is a first year nursing student, and her placement was moved up to work in a hospital for on the job training, due to Covid 19.   On her first day, ever... she witnessed someone die from this virus.  She had never seen anyone die before, let alone on her very first day, overwhelmed in the busy ICU, and it was traumatic.  

Life is short.  No one of us knows the expiration date, even those who are diagnosed with terminal illnesses are given approximations of how much time is left.

Shortly after I hung up with my friend, the UK hung out their windows, came out on their front steps and out on their balconies to cheer for the NHS staff, carers and front line workers.  It was a tearjerker, an overwhelming coming together of giving thanks.

Her story, and this outpouring of support, got me diving deeply into gratitude.

Photo by Gabrielle Henderson on Unsplash

I'm count myself very fortunate, that I was introduced to the concept of gratitude and gratitude lists in my late teens.  For over 20 years I have experiences the profound impact gratitude can have on my perspective, mental health and well being.

Gratitude does not solve problems, it will not erase the bad things happening.  What gratitude does is right size my thinking and my focus.  It is a strong reminder that, even on the days I feel like the world is going to hell in a handbag, my entire life isn't!

Today, I invite you to utilize gratitude as an act of great care for yourself during these traumatic and unusual times.

It's an easy thing to do, super quick, and change how you are feeling right side round.

Start, end or stop your day and do a gratitude list! 

Call out 10 things you are thankful for, now more than ever. 

I do strongly recommend you do this in writing.  Or open up the notes app on your phone, and type away.

The neuroscience between the connection and internalization of information when we write it down, is well proven.   It also makes us really stop the hamster wheel of thoughts and focus.

Here is my Gratitude List for today, I hope it inspires you to write your own, and as always, feel free to hit the reply button and send it to me.

Today, I am grateful for....

1. My health!

2. My partner's health!

3. My families & friend's health!

4. The internet and divine connection it is giving me to friends, family and clients during this lock down world I now live in.

5. That my partner was freaking out about this pandemic 6 weeks ago and 'made' me go out and buy anti bac gel, wipes and some canned goods.  I was humoring him at the time, trying to ease his anxiety... he was soooooo right!

6. Some downtime to write YOU more emails like this and to finally do the hard graft of putting together an online version of my coaching!

7. My girl gang of singles over at the Feminista Seeks Love fb group, we are holding each other in a very special sacred space right now.

8. We have all the food we need.  So many people are not in that same situation!

9. That no more what life has thrown at me, I have always bounced back.  And no matter what happens next, I know I can do it again!

10. My incredible, solid citizen, husband. He is the calm in the storm!

11. That I did not kill him during his first week of working from home, talking loudly and leaving dishes everywhere, at the desk next to mine. He is truly a keeper!

12. For our little dog Parker, who is the ultimate therapy dog at times like this!

13. That I have the ability and kindness to help out my elderly neighbors.

14. For my fab job, of helping people love and be loved!  What a dream and a gift!

Wow, I blew past 10, right to 14, easy peasy!  And, you can too!



Give it a try, xx

As always I hope this message inspires you to take care of yourself during this crisis. 



And remember, self care also looks like THIS right now!

Photo by Sandie Clarke on Unsplash

Remember Those Walls I Built?

Gather round as we make sacrifices at alter of the Queen Bey this week and chat a bit about protecting ourselves whilst out in the wilds of modern dating.

Self-protection is one of your brain's most primary purposes.  Right behind, keeping all your organs functioning.  The ability to learn, adapt, create and change our environments is what separates us from the rest of the animal kingdom on this planet.  However there are two sides of that brilliant brain of yours, dearest one.  Which one is ruling?

There is a logical side of our brain and an emotional one.  Both are vital and yet they tend to respond to threats quite differently.  

Logical brain, says ‘Right, touching that stove when it’s on burned my human, we shouldn’t touch it when its hot again.  The emotional brain says ‘OMFG that stove is evil, you know what? This whole kitchen is dangerous, heck this whole house is trying to kill me, I am NEVER EVER going in there AGAIN!!!’

Photo by Rochelle Brown on Unsplash

Yeah. Emotional brain is a RuPaul Drag Race level drama queen, and...

She.

Ain’t.

Playing.  

And if you think her response to your hand getting burned by the stove is OTT, you obviously never had your heart broken, cause that is when emotional brain loses her whole damn mind!  

Logical brain institutes boundaries to safeguard against reasonable and obvious dangers

Emotional brain builds walls.  And moats.  And minefields.  Ensuring no one EVER gets close enough to cause harm, EVER.

I remember the day I realized that my own carefully constructed fortress, was actually a prison. 

That behind those high walls, the barb wire, the minefields, I was slowly suffocating in the darkness of my own loneliness, and that not only could no one get in… girl, I was locked up so tightly inside of that prison, I couldn’t get out, even if I wanted to.

And I wanted to!  I was telling myself all the time, I was ready for love, I wanted to meet someone amazing, and I wanted companionship and yet, my actions were keeping me hostage in that prison, isolated from real human connection.

Photo by Velizar Ivanov on Unsplash

I’m not saying you need to throw open all the doors and let any Tom, Dick or Jane waltz on in. 

By all means, check ID’s at the door, at the very least.  However, if you think building your walls up high is keeping you safe, that if someone REALLY wanted to get to know you they would take the time to pry, brick by brick each of those walls down, then you are literally taking the key to human connection, and even your happiness and throwing it in the moat, never to be found.

Without vulnerability, no one can even get close enough to see how worthy of the good fight you really are, darling.  And you are. Worthy.  A shimmering prize! 

 

Tear those walls down yourself, Learn the crucial skill of boundary settings, and let them see you shine!