I am gleefully easing back into our normally scheduled program @ Love Letters, as the light of the lock down tunnel grows brighter. You will still see some Self Care During Crisis tips being sent out, which I truly hope has helped to ease your path with some much needed coping skills during this pandemic, but it's time to jump back in to the love talk, with both feet baby!

So how has lock down changed the dating world? And, what extended impact will Covid 19 have on your search for love, moving forward?

This has been a crazy couple of months, and for many the initial reaction to facing lock down was 'Whelp. there goes any chance of a love life!'

However that couldn't be further from the truth. Love always finds a way.

I have had so many clients navigating dating during lock down, and discovering there are some huge pluses.

How has the world of dating weathered a pandemic?

Well, it's actually flourished! This, is how and why.

THE HOW:

Ya' know how it feels like all your days are spend on video calls lately? Along with work meetings and family calls, that's where dating moved too. Zoom, Whatsapp Video Calls, Facetime, you name it, people have been meeting up to have a date on it. And I do mean, dates... some go as far as making dinners to eat across a candle lit screen together!

It may sound strange, even crazy. You may be reading this with a wrinkled 'oh no I won't' nose right now... but it's happening and you are missing out on something truly transformational in online dating, since the first online dating app launched!
What is really lovely about this new pandemic wave format of dating, is that it pumps the breaks on the physical aspect and can super charge the intimacy building aspect of dating, which we have all been missing!

You can actually spend quality time, talking to someone and not just worried if they want a one night stand.

I have guided many of my private clients to up their virtual dates, by doing an online pub quiz, or doing a game night... either by participating in the loads being put on by others, or creating a game to be played just the two of them. And, beyond raising the fun factor, it's made each of them feel like they actually went out for a night!

('Going out' what are those words I am saying? I mean, i can't remember what 'Going Out' or 'Plans For the Evening' even mean anymore lol)

The dating industry, has followed virtual suit. Moving speed dating and singles nights online, with great success.

People are finding that taking a physical step back from face to face dates, has proven to be a massive step forward in building more authentic connections.

Is it solely just online dating, extending to further 'online' dating?

Many people are have 3-6 virtual dates and then, depending on how well those go, moving to meeting people in real time. SAFELY!

This is a virus no one wants to mess with, and social distancing is proven to stop the spread. So how do you date, while socially distancing?

Here are some great ideas, that people are loving right now AND are safe to pursue.

Original Photo by engin akyurt on Unsplash

SOCIALLY DISTANCED...

Park Walks!

Picnics!

Sunset drinks!

Going for a run!

Gazebo BYOB cocktails!

Outdoor dates are fab, because not only are you keeping healthy by staying 2 meters/6 feet away, you are in a well ventilated atmosphere. Make sure you bring your own picnic or drinks and stay within the recommended Covid guidelines.

One of the greatest tools for dealing with attachment issues that cause us to go a bit crazy with fantasy OR get our running shoes on, is to slllllooowwwww down. And this pandemic has slowed down dating, and the results can be pretty magnificent.

So WHY is lock down changing the dating game and driving more authentic connections than ever?
First and foremost, the chemicals released on the brain during crisis, are EXTREMELY similar to those released when we fall in love.

Seeking out alliances, connections and community is a natural survival response to threat. There is more power in numbers. Back at the beginning of this whole mess, I sent out a love letter warning against falling in love too quickly during a pandemic, with very good reason.

HOWEVER, it's not all bad.

I know this pandemic has created an opportunity for many of us to take stock, re-evaluate and re-group around what's really important in life. This will naturally extend to our love lives, as well. Its been a scary few months, and facing it alone, can really spot light our singleton status. Isolation during lock down, brings the very natural human emotion of loneliness right to the forefront for everyone, regardless of relationship status.

The long lasting impact as we come out of Covid 19, will be desiring connection and partnership will rise up. People will be dating more intentionally and with a greater sense of purpose.

If you are already on the virtual dating train, I would love to hear some of your stories. If you feel inspired by this email to jump in with both feet...

COMMENT BELOW… OR join us over at our girl gang fb group, click here ----> FEMINISTA SEEKS LOVE.

Gather round as we make sacrifices at alter of the Queen Bey this week and chat a bit about protecting ourselves whilst out in the wilds of modern dating.

Self-protection is one of your brain's most primary purposes. Right behind, keeping all your organs functioning. The ability to learn, adapt, create and change our environments is what separates us from the rest of the animal kingdom on this planet. However there are two sides of that brilliant brain of yours, dearest one. Which one is ruling?

There is a logical side of our brain and an emotional one. Both are vital and yet they tend to respond to threats quite differently.

Logical brain, says ‘Right, touching that stove when it’s on burned my human, we shouldn’t touch it when its hot again. The emotional brain says ‘OMFG that stove is evil, you know what? This whole kitchen is dangerous, heck this whole house is trying to kill me, I am NEVER EVER going in there AGAIN!!!’

Yeah. Emotional brain is a RuPaul Drag Race level drama queen, and...

She.

Ain’t.

Playing.

And if you think her response to your hand getting burned by the stove is OTT, you obviously never had your heart broken, cause that is when emotional brain loses her whole damn mind!

Logical brain institutes boundaries to safeguard against reasonable and obvious dangers

Emotional brain builds walls. And moats. And minefields. Ensuring no one EVER gets close enough to cause harm, EVER.

I remember the day I realized that my own carefully constructed fortress, was actually a prison.

That behind those high walls, the barb wire, the minefields, I was slowly suffocating in the darkness of my own loneliness, and that not only could no one get in… girl, I was locked up so tightly inside of that prison, I couldn’t get out, even if I wanted to.

And I wanted to! I was telling myself all the time, I was ready for love, I wanted to meet someone amazing, and I wanted companionship and yet, my actions were keeping me hostage in that prison, isolated from real human connection.

I’m not saying you need to throw open all the doors and let any Tom, Dick or Jane waltz on in.

By all means, check ID’s at the door, at the very least. However, if you think building your walls up high is keeping you safe, that if someone REALLY wanted to get to know you they would take the time to pry, brick by brick each of those walls down, then you are literally taking the key to human connection, and even your happiness and throwing it in the moat, never to be found.

Without vulnerability, no one can even get close enough to see how worthy of the good fight you really are, darling. And you are. Worthy. A shimmering prize!

Has lock down changed dating? [LOVE LETTER}