I was tucking into Brene Brown’s latest book today, ‘Braving The Wilderness’ and this passage, really hit home and inspired me to write to you all today.
“We have to step outside the barricades of self-preservation and brave the wild.
Huddled behind the bunkers, we don’t have to worry about being vulnerable, or brave or trusting. We just have to toe the party line. Except doing that is not working. Bunkers protect us from everything except loneliness and disconnection. In other words, it leads to the worst heartbreak of all.”
Photo by Bryce Evans on Unsplash
I have seen this play out in so many different ways with my clients.
Swiping left on people they think are ‘out of their league’.
Putting off meeting someone from online in real life, to avoid what feels like inevitable disappointment.
Not letting people really see them, the real them, on those first few dates.
Going on a few dud dates or a series of go nowhere messages, then just quitting and coming off online dating all together.
Not seeking out the ways and means to meet people in the real world, hiding behind being ‘too busy” and ‘I never meet people in real life’ and ‘I don’t even know where to start’ as their personal bunkers to hide out and keep a safe distance.
Allowing past heartbreak and bad experiences in relationships, colour their experience with new people, letting one red flag, send them for self-preservation hills.
Leaning into work, travel, friends, and other assorted adulting, ensuring those things take priority over their love life, every time.
Hmmmm self preservation running high on anyone else’s to do list, when it comes to finding love???
Photo by Carlos Alberto Gómez Iñiguez on Unsplash
The worst heartbreak of all, is feeling lonely and disconnected. We human beings, are hard wired for love and connection.
We can absolutely get love and connection outside the romantic arena of partnership, and yet, let’s be real here, most of us consider relationships and love to have a major effect on our overall well being in life. Think not? Ask someone who is in a hellish relationship! It’s very hard to not allow that segment of our lives, spread sickness to other areas, too.
And, why hell yes, spending time alone, and being comfortable on our own is so very necessary, however THAT is not loneliness.
Here’s the truth bomb about love. It’s both riskyAF and the most secure emotional connection we can ever experience.
It is NOT without risk, and it is also NOT without great reward. Joining dating apps, or going to single events with your best halfhearted, self-preservation, giving zero f@cks, little black dress on… is not the bravery, vulnerability and trust that is required for love.
Photo by Mick Haupt on Unsplash
We must build up our courage and self worth, no matter the cost. And we must surrender ourselves to the wild, to the great unknown of the modern dating jungle.
Yup, it could go wrong... but my darling, it also could go so very right!
This is where someone like me, enters stage right, in your life. Not only have I been where you are, hopelessly single, caught in the wild fires of dating, gasping for air... I have spent years studying and learning the expertise needed, to help women just like you, get out of that valley and onto the mountain top, so very loved!
I am so passionate about helping fierce strong women out in the wilds of the dating jungle, find love... that I offer a FREE 45 minute BREAKTHROUGH TO LOVE call!
If we haven't chatted yet, let's spend some time getting some real clarity around where you have been, where you are at, and where you want to go with love +++ the very next steps you can take to create real transformation in your love life.