DATING TIP THURSDAY: Do a FIRST MEET before a FIRST DATE

One of the very first things I work with my private clients around is what dating, with intention and with discernment, should look like.  That there is a somewhat formulaic dynamic to meeting the right person for us, and connecting in a meaningful way.  I say ‘somewhat’ because I don’t believe in rigid cookie cutter rules of dating, as my clients are anything but cookie cutter people.  However there is template to being more successful out there in the wilds of the modern dating jungle, and this is the very first step.

Ditch the whole FIRST DATE, and go for more of a drive by, FIRST MEET.  

A first date, is something that ideally lasts a minimum of an hour, and includes more commitment of your time and almost always includes a feeling of more pressure.  ESPECIALLY if you are looking to meet someone from a dating app for the first time in real life… deffo go for a FIRST MEET. 

So what do I mean by a first meet?

A first meet is a casual 30 minute max type of face to face first contact.   It’s a quick ice cream in a (well lit and very public) park, it’s a glass of wine, a cup of coffee, a stroll through an exhibit at an art museum, type of thing.

A FIRST MEET is designed to do a few things:

1.      Confirmation of visual attraction.  FACT! We are, by our nature, visual creatures, unless of course we are visually handicapped in some way.  And whilst we may have had a bevy of photos on their profile, if you have been out there in the wilds for long, you have probably already met someone off a dating app who most certainly did NOT look like their profile pics.

2.      Confirmation of other forms of initial attraction.  This can be tonal, pheromonal or even just the energy someone emanates. The sound of someone’s voice, they way they smell, hold themselves with their body language or just in general first impression present themselves can be uniquely attractive or unattractive, to another person.

3.      Confirmation of interest.  And by that, I DO NOT MEAN A SPARK!  I think we are selling ourselves and others short, in this overwhelming belief that a spark should be instantaneous and visceral.  I’m talking about that piquing of curiosity that says ‘huh, I’d definitely like to discover more about this person’.  That moment when we realise, ‘hey! I’m having fun!  I think we could have more fun if we gave it an hour or two on a proper first date.’

That’s it. That’s the first meet. A quick, how do you do, that should, no matter how well it is going, end at the allotted time.  Why? Why would I want to end a good first meet if we are really hitting it off?   Well my dear, there is some powerful phycology about leaving them wanting more AND, perhaps even more important, holding boundaries, even small ones in the early stages of dating, is empowering and necessary for your well being.  Slow it all down, and lean into abundance and away from the scarcity that is telling you to hurry things up before its too late!!

Even if someone is pressing for an elaborate OTT first date, where they want to whisk you off your feet… dial it down.  Go for a much more brief FIRST MEET.   I can report myself, on more than one occasion, falling for that long incredible invite of a first date and then desperately trying to find ways to get out of said date early cause it was all wrong.   Keep it sweet, short and simply pressure free. 

Braving The Wilderness of Modern Dating

I was, once again, tucking into Brene Brown’s latest book today, ‘Braving The Wilderness’ and this passage, really hit home and inspired me to write to you all today.

“We have to step outside the barricades of self-preservation and brave the wild.

Huddled behind the bunkers, we don’t have to worry about being vulnerable, or brave or trusting. We just have to toe the party line. Except doing that is not working. Bunkers protect us from everything except loneliness and disconnection. In other words, it leads to the worst heartbreak of all.”

Photo by Bryce Evans on Unsplash

I have seen this play out in so many different ways with my clients.

• Swiping left on people they think are ‘out of their league’.

• Putting off meeting someone from online in real life, to avoid what feels like inevitable disappointment.

• Not letting people really see them, the real them, on those first few dates.

• Going on a few dud dates or a series of go nowhere messages, then just quitting and coming off online dating all together.

• Not seeking out the ways and means to meet people in the real world, hiding behind being ‘too busy” and ‘I never meet people in real life’ and ‘I don’t even know where to start’ as their personal bunkers to hide out and keep a safe distance.

• Allowing past heartbreak and bad experiences in relationships, colour their experience with new people, letting one red flag, send them for self-preservation hills.

• Leaning into work, travel, friends, and other assorted adulting, ensuring those things take priority over their love life, every time.

Hmmmm self preservation running high on anyone else’s to do list, when it comes to finding love???

Photo by Carlos Alberto Gómez Iñiguez on Unsplash

The worst heartbreak of all, is feeling lonely and disconnected. We human beings, are hard wired for love and connection.

We can absolutely get love and connection outside the romantic arena of partnership, and yet, let’s be real here, most of us consider relationships and love to have a major effect on our overall well being in life. Think not? Ask someone who is in a hellish relationship! It’s very hard to not allow that segment of our lives, spread sickness to other areas, too.

And, why hell yes, spending time alone, and being comfortable on our own is so very necessary, however THAT is not loneliness.

Here’s the truth bomb about love. It’s both riskyAF and the most secure emotional connection we can ever experience.

It is NOT without risk, and it is also NOT without great reward.  Joining dating apps, or going to single events with your best halfhearted, self-preservation, giving zero f@cks, little black dress on… is not the bravery, vulnerability and trust that is required for love.

Photo by Mick Haupt on Unsplash

We must build up our courage and self worth, no matter the cost. And we must surrender ourselves to the wild, to the great unknown of the modern dating jungle. 

Yup, it could go wrong... but my darling, it also could go so very right!

This is where someone like me, enters stage right, in your life.  Not only have I been where you are, hopelessly single, caught in the wild fires of dating, gasping for air... I have spent years studying and learning the expertise needed, to help women just like you, get out of that valley and onto the mountain top, so very loved! 

I am so passionate about helping fierce strong women out in the wilds of the dating jungle, find love... that I offer a FREE 45 minute BREAKTHROUGH TO LOVE call! 

If we haven't chatted yet, let's spend some time getting some real clarity around where you have been, where you are at, and where you want to go with love +++ the very next steps you can take to create real transformation in your love life. 

BOOK YOUR CALL SLOT HERE

That dating life, tho'?!?! YIKES!

Oh the dating life... I remember it all too well.

I started off in life, as a serial monogamist, or as I like to call it ‘second date relationship girl’. I jumped in and out of long-term relationships, in part because I had no idea I was supposed to be actually carefully considering partnership choices i.e. I like you, you like me, (what little we actually know about each other) and that was enough to make it official… however, mostly, I was ‘second date relationship girl’, because I was terrified of being alone.

When I was 25, I had a 2.5 year live in relationship come to a spectacularly painful end, just as I was moving to NYC. I spent the next 2 years mostly alone, without a date in sight, and then I started to do something I had never done before… D A T E. And, by D A T E, I mean actually go out with multiple people, on multiple dates, trying to figure out if they were right for me, BEFORE getting into a relationship, and subsequently waking up 6+ months later, looking over in bed, and thinking ‘who are you?!?’

However, I was missing one crucial trick in the dating process. I had no idea what ‘right for me’ even meant, not really.

So, I spent 6 years, on the neck breaking careening roller coaster of dating, holding on for dear life.

I made load of mistakes. Dated some real cray cray people. I broke a few hearts. Got mine torn to shreds more than a few times, and somewhere around rock bottom, I was standing on the corner of 14th street and 5th Ave, crying into my best friends arms, after a from day one red flagged filled affair, I should have been way smarter then to get into, that left me broken.

I was stumped.

How could I be in my early 30’s and apparently be no real wiser in love? How could I, this smart, savvy, independent boss of a gal, who had an amazing career, great friends, kick ass hobbies and interests, living in the greatest city in the world, be so hopelessly single?!?!

Finally, I surrendered and sought some professional help.

On that journey, not only did I get...

• Some real clarity on what ‘right for me’ meant

• I was able to resolve some historical trauma and shame around love.

• I was able to leave my parents role modeled relationship to them, and not allow it to effect how I moved about the arena of love.

• I was able to become secure from within, in my ability to attract and choose a good one.

• AND free myself of some old ideas and behaviors that NEVER truly served me.

It was NOT an overnight cure. It was not without great effort, time and even some cold hard investment of cash. And it was one of the single greatest leaps, and investments in me, I have ever taken in my life.



About a year later, I met Mark, who you have heard me more often refer to as The Hubba Hubba, my hunka hunka burnin’ love. He didn’t look, talk, or act like anyone I had ever dated. He challenged me on so many levels, in the best of ways. Three years later, we were married. My continued work on myself, and relationships allowed me to not only pick a really REALLY good one, it stopped me from sabotaging it, with unrealistic expectations, and my old behaviors. Our relationship is NOT perfect, but hot damn, I look over at him now, ten years on, and I am more in love with him today, then I was in the beginning.

Who would have thought it possible?

Well, not me, for large part of my life. Sure, I hoped for it, I dreamed of it, but deep down I didn’t believe it was possible for me.

If you are reading this, and know exactly what I mean… I see you. I’ve been you. And I know the way forward, my dear!



Have you booked in your FREE BREAKTHROUGH TO LOVE call with me yet? Whatcha’ waiting for? If nothing changes, nothing changes, dearest one.

Braving The Wilderness of Modern Dating

I was tucking into Brene Brown’s latest book today, ‘Braving The Wilderness’ and this passage, really hit home and inspired me to write to you all today.

“We have to step outside the barricades of self-preservation and brave the wild.

Huddled behind the bunkers, we don’t have to worry about being vulnerable, or brave or trusting. We just have to toe the party line. Except doing that is not working. Bunkers protect us from everything except loneliness and disconnection. In other words, it leads to the worst heartbreak of all.”

Photo by Bryce Evans on Unsplash

I have seen this play out in so many different ways with my clients.

• Swiping left on people they think are ‘out of their league’.

• Putting off meeting someone from online in real life, to avoid what feels like inevitable disappointment.

• Not letting people really see them, the real them, on those first few dates.

• Going on a few dud dates or a series of go nowhere messages, then just quitting and coming off online dating all together.

• Not seeking out the ways and means to meet people in the real world, hiding behind being ‘too busy” and ‘I never meet people in real life’ and ‘I don’t even know where to start’ as their personal bunkers to hide out and keep a safe distance.

• Allowing past heartbreak and bad experiences in relationships, colour their experience with new people, letting one red flag, send them for self-preservation hills.

• Leaning into work, travel, friends, and other assorted adulting, ensuring those things take priority over their love life, every time.

Hmmmm self preservation running high on anyone else’s to do list, when it comes to finding love???

Photo by Carlos Alberto Gómez Iñiguez on Unsplash

The worst heartbreak of all, is feeling lonely and disconnected. We human beings, are hard wired for love and connection.

We can absolutely get love and connection outside the romantic arena of partnership, and yet, let’s be real here, most of us consider relationships and love to have a major effect on our overall well being in life. Think not? Ask someone who is in a hellish relationship! It’s very hard to not allow that segment of our lives, spread sickness to other areas, too.

And, why hell yes, spending time alone, and being comfortable on our own is so very necessary, however THAT is not loneliness.

Here’s the truth bomb about love. It’s both riskyAF and the most secure emotional connection we can ever experience.

It is NOT without risk, and it is also NOT without great reward.  Joining dating apps, or going to single events with your best halfhearted, self-preservation, giving zero f@cks, little black dress on… is not the bravery, vulnerability and trust that is required for love.

Photo by Mick Haupt on Unsplash

We must build up our courage and self worth, no matter the cost. And we must surrender ourselves to the wild, to the great unknown of the modern dating jungle. 

Yup, it could go wrong... but my darling, it also could go so very right!

This is where someone like me, enters stage right, in your life.  Not only have I been where you are, hopelessly single, caught in the wild fires of dating, gasping for air... I have spent years studying and learning the expertise needed, to help women just like you, get out of that valley and onto the mountain top, so very loved! 

I am so passionate about helping fierce strong women out in the wilds of the dating jungle, find love... that I offer a FREE 45 minute BREAKTHROUGH TO LOVE call! 

If we haven't chatted yet, let's spend some time getting some real clarity around where you have been, where you are at, and where you want to go with love +++ the very next steps you can take to create real transformation in your love life. 

BOOK YOUR CALL SLOT HERE