How do we avoid the common pitfalls of a transformative event or experience?

Wow, it’s been a hot minute since I’ve blogged! I have not forgotten you, but my gosh, It’s been a busy few weeks, with a load of fabulous new clients coming onboard and a retreat, to boot!

That’s right, a couple of weeks ago, I had the great honor and privilege of facilitating a Phoenix Rising Relationships Retreat for 50 amazing women. As with any event, there is usually some time for me to retrospectively process the weekend, the content and the results as attendees share what it has been like for them, post retreat. To see what successes and pitfalls, the folks who attended, have in the aftermath of such a powerful weekend.

Phoenix Rising Retreats; RISE 1 RELATIONSHIPS Oct 2019

Today, I want to talk to you all, regardless if you were on the retreat or not, about two of the most common and fatal of pitfalls after having an incredible learning experience about ourselves and relationships…

Up first, THE GREAT DUMP.

This is where we come home, high on all we have learned, ready to take on the world and completely transform and heal our relationships. Buzzing through the front door, grabbing our partners in a firm grip, and dumping ALLLLLLLL the things we learned AND ALLLLLLL the things that need to change, and emphatically stating what THEY NEED TO DO, RIGHT NOW!!!!

My co-facilitator put it quite eloquently during the Sunday wrap up… “Remember your partner did NOT come to the retreat! They did not have this experience!”

Oh, how easy it is to forget that little fact.

I use the analogy of the game of tennis. You and your partner are two players, on opposite sides of the court, who have been volleying the ball, back and forth, to and fro, the same way for a long time. The retreat attendees, do home, and change their footing, some for the first time, in a long while. They start whizzing the ball in a completely new direction. Which is great!! However, your partner is still frozen in their same position. The first, and maybe even, the first few times, you wing the ball onto the other side of the court, they will more than likely, miss the point.

If we expect our whole relationship to change within a week of us having a learning bomb dropped on us, like at a retreat, we are setting ourselves up for some serious disappointment. And, because we are so high on what we have learned, the crash down to earth in that disappointment can feel B R U T A L .

We can end up feeling even more alone and more hopeless about our relationship, then before.

Second biggest pitfall… LITTLE TO NO FOLLOW UP.

When we have these lightning bolt epiphanies, it can galvanize us into action, like never before! However, if we do not commit to, and follow up with consistent effort afterwards, that transformation, doesn’t stand a chance of truly taking root.

One of the aspects of coaching I love, is the aspect I need the most in my own life… someone to help me stay accountable. See, I can tumble off a good transformation wagon, quick. Just as quick and fervently as when I hopped on. At the end of the retreat weekend, we all committed to five great acts of self-love to incorporate into our own lives. Sadly, I know all too well, that many will not keep it up long enough to create a new habit of care and love for themselves, where it is most needed.

And others, will. And in doing so, shine so brightly into the new year, we will revel in their light.

So, whether it was a blog, book, retreat or even one of my free masterclasses you attended that cracked you wide open to the possibility of transforming your relationship and love life… I wanted to share this information with you, these too common pitfalls, and encourage you to clamber back onto that wagon, dearest one!



And if you, like me, need a team mate to keep you accountable… AND you are truly ready to learn the HOW of relationships, dating and love… we should definitely chat.

For Every Partnership In Crisis, There is THREE relationships within in that must be healed!

For every one partnership in crisis, there are, at least, three relationships that need to be healed, within it.

It’s not unusual for me to have a clients who come on as a couple, who require a few sessions each, to themselves.  Often, they don’t realise that when we have our initial consultation.  However, I find it really helpful to actually separate them, before we can work together towards the healing of their relationship.  Why?

There is a long list of reasons couples find themselves in crisis. Some of these we need to confront, challenge and heal as a team, whilst others can only be done by the individuals themselves. Before we can heal the relationship between them, we need to heal the relationship they have with themselves.

Only a strong, healthy individual can participate in building and sustaining a healthy partnership.

When we, as individuals, lose our identity and self-esteem, to marriage and family, to our jobs and roles as providers, to being carers, bouts of depression, and to the many life changes that can consume us… like losing family members, building a business, children leaving the home for university, changing careers, retirement… we have to focus first on our relationship with ourselves, before we can truly address the issues within our partnership.

It is my job, as a coach, to help re-awaken not just the love you have for each other but the love for you have for yourself, too.

Many of clients, not only are lacking in the self love department, their basic self-care has disappeared into the hustle bustle of life. We cannot offer water to others, when our vessel is empty.

In order to really dig into self-love and self care, we must first get down to the worthy work of identifying your core values and the action it takes to live in alignment so we are thriving as person, not just as a couple.

When we are living a life, aligned with our values, we are at our most happy, content and fulfilled… and we easily open up to new possibilities and to the power of healing.

Are you living and loving your best life as an individual? 

 

If not, living and loving your best life as a couple, will never happen.  #truestory

Before I run back off to fighting that good fight for love with my private clients... I want to send a special message to my beloved LGBTQ tribe of followers.

Photo by Yannis Papanastasopoulos on Unsplash

LOVE IS LOVE - HAPPY PRIDE MONTH!