Gratitude as a relationship saver, yay or nay?

I’m a big fan of gratitude.  Practicing gratitude can begin as easily as taking a few moments to list out everything we are grateful for, the good things in our lives, our partners and in our partnerships.  By the time we call out even 7 or 10 items,  our perspective of ourselves, our relationship and even the world we live in can shift dramatically.  .  Practicing gratitude can do us a necessary favour of balancing the scales of what is going wrong and what is going right. This perspective shift, releases serotonin in the brain, which floods our senses with the feelings of pleasure and happiness

Powerful stuff, for sure. 

Photo by Gabrielle Henderson on Unsplash

HOWEVER… Utilising gratitude in this manner often offers a short term solution to a much longer term problem.  

Gratitude is an action word. 

Gratitude is NOT an inanimate list we possess, to be looked at whenever we need a pick me up or some perspective.

Gratitude is NOT a state of being as a result of making lists of items we are grateful. 

Gratitude is NOT a statement of intention, a bold claim we offer ourselves and others. 

GRATITUDE IS A VERB, and it only truly exists through our actions. 

Photo by Nathan Dumlao on Unsplash

To truly bring a practice of gratitude into our relationships, means a daily ritual of action. It requires making firm decisions to act, respond and engage differently.  How do we harness gratitude, to exact tangible change in how we move through the world, through our love?  

If you are unsure on how to answer that question, how to DO different, to shift life long, relationship long learned behaviours, in order to express gratitude in action and save your partnership…  I can help. 

Gratitude in action for me, looks like teaching others the hard won tools I have learned over years of study, professional practice and personal failures and successes, to transform how my clients give, receive, respond and engage with love.    I offer a Relationships 101 of sorts, to help people create clear effective communication, healthy conflict resolution, respect for themselves and their partners, and a much needed resurgence of kindness and compassion.   The tools necessary to truly take that momentary boost of gratitude and turn it into a well oiled practice of gratitude that revolutionises how we live and love.

Sound like something worth exploring, dearest one? 

Book in your FREE Breakthrough to Love call, and we can spend some time discussing how our can move towards one another again. 

Self Care During Crisis Tip #5 - Setting Limits!

I'm back with another Self Care During Crisis Tip, to help see you through this tragic time of pandemic.


This Self Care Tip, is about DOING LESS!  Which, if you have seen the barrage of DO ALL THE THINGS with all your free time posts... you may very well be sighing with relief, right now!



Some of you may indeed have more time on your hands than ever, however it's not always so welcomed because for you, it may be because you have been furloughed, had your hours and salary reduced, lost your job completely, or are seeing your business struggle to make ends meet.


While some of you, may still be working very much full time from home, AND somehow attempting to morph into a teach, as each day the demanding curriculum comes online, and your kids are home all. damn. day. every. day.


We are all worrying about our health, family, friends, jobs, money...



And, for many of you, what little or lots of extra time you do have, thanks to lock down and Covid 19,  anxiety has taken root and given birth to some new coping mechanisms (and not so new ones) that are time sucking their way through our days and nights.   We think these coping mechanisms will ease the anxiety, however we all know, sooner than later, they make us feel even worse, and increase our anxiety.

So, today all me to offer you some guidance in the ninja self care of... SETTING LIMITS!  

www.jessicaelizabethcoaching.com

Set limits...

• On Social media!

• Corona virus News!

• Corona Virus conversations!

• Corona virus memes!

• On Television

• On wearing pajamas! 🤭 (oh, yeah I'm going there!)

• On being indoors 24/7!

• On food!

• On all that 'add to cart' online shopping! 

• On how many times you’re allowed to go to the fridge in an hour! 😳

• On days filled with FaceTime calls!

• On Panicking about the future!

• On worry about money!

• On boredom!

• On spending time in the same room as your partner!

• On how long you’re going to swipe away at online dating!

• On how much your kids really REALLY need to learn during this topsy turvy time in our history!

• ON PERFECTIONISM!  That frantic dance of trying to do all the things perfectly, so no one sees how scared you are, and you can feel some sense of control in a out of control situation.

Photo by engin akyurt on Unsplash

This ain't your bath bomb self care... THIS IS CARING FOR YOUR MENTAL, PHYSICAL AND EMOTIONAL HEALTH! 



All of your personal situations are different during this crisis, and yet we are all experiencing it as a collective whole, at once, together.

You know, darling , what items on the above list, have your name written all over it.  And, you know the ones I haven’t even thought to include.

he ways we try to cope with anxiety, that unfortunately cause harm to ourselves, and in the end, heighten our anxieties.  We need to care for ourselves, more than every right now.  And that may mean doing LESS of some things, in order to accomplish just that.


I've been doing this self care myself, and it's transformed my experience during this tough time.


First up on my own SETTING LIMITS LIST... access to news.   I check in on my phone in the morning and then try my very best to not do so again, till the 5pm daily briefing. 

Next up... Corona Conversations! At first, I need extra talks with family and friends for connection.  However I soon realized, that there were certain friends or family members, I need to limit contact with, cause all the corona conversations were making me quite unwell.

Then, my old nemesis... television.  See, I am a proper TV junkie without a pandemic, so I had to get on that, fast!  Lots o' TV limits for this girl!


I also, had to make sure I got out in the garden or for a walk, every day, rain or shine.   While, of course, social distancing, and using limits, as not to abuse this to be out and about beyond the guidance of the experts.

What do YOU need to set some limits around, right now?

Please know...
Its okay to not be okay! These are unprecedented times, that none of us were prepared for AND none of have been through before, so how are we supposed to be okay or getting it right, all the time?!!? 
It's okay to be sad, afraid, worried, uncertain, angry... let's set some limits on time spent doing those too, before they consume us whole!

As always I hope this message inspires you to take care of yourself during this crisis.

How do we avoid the common pitfalls of a transformative event or experience?

Wow, it’s been a hot minute since I’ve blogged! I have not forgotten you, but my gosh, It’s been a busy few weeks, with a load of fabulous new clients coming onboard and a retreat, to boot!

That’s right, a couple of weeks ago, I had the great honor and privilege of facilitating a Phoenix Rising Relationships Retreat for 50 amazing women. As with any event, there is usually some time for me to retrospectively process the weekend, the content and the results as attendees share what it has been like for them, post retreat. To see what successes and pitfalls, the folks who attended, have in the aftermath of such a powerful weekend.

Phoenix Rising Retreats; RISE 1 RELATIONSHIPS Oct 2019

Today, I want to talk to you all, regardless if you were on the retreat or not, about two of the most common and fatal of pitfalls after having an incredible learning experience about ourselves and relationships…

Up first, THE GREAT DUMP.

This is where we come home, high on all we have learned, ready to take on the world and completely transform and heal our relationships. Buzzing through the front door, grabbing our partners in a firm grip, and dumping ALLLLLLLL the things we learned AND ALLLLLLL the things that need to change, and emphatically stating what THEY NEED TO DO, RIGHT NOW!!!!

My co-facilitator put it quite eloquently during the Sunday wrap up… “Remember your partner did NOT come to the retreat! They did not have this experience!”

Oh, how easy it is to forget that little fact.

I use the analogy of the game of tennis. You and your partner are two players, on opposite sides of the court, who have been volleying the ball, back and forth, to and fro, the same way for a long time. The retreat attendees, do home, and change their footing, some for the first time, in a long while. They start whizzing the ball in a completely new direction. Which is great!! However, your partner is still frozen in their same position. The first, and maybe even, the first few times, you wing the ball onto the other side of the court, they will more than likely, miss the point.

If we expect our whole relationship to change within a week of us having a learning bomb dropped on us, like at a retreat, we are setting ourselves up for some serious disappointment. And, because we are so high on what we have learned, the crash down to earth in that disappointment can feel B R U T A L .

We can end up feeling even more alone and more hopeless about our relationship, then before.

Second biggest pitfall… LITTLE TO NO FOLLOW UP.

When we have these lightning bolt epiphanies, it can galvanize us into action, like never before! However, if we do not commit to, and follow up with consistent effort afterwards, that transformation, doesn’t stand a chance of truly taking root.

One of the aspects of coaching I love, is the aspect I need the most in my own life… someone to help me stay accountable. See, I can tumble off a good transformation wagon, quick. Just as quick and fervently as when I hopped on. At the end of the retreat weekend, we all committed to five great acts of self-love to incorporate into our own lives. Sadly, I know all too well, that many will not keep it up long enough to create a new habit of care and love for themselves, where it is most needed.

And others, will. And in doing so, shine so brightly into the new year, we will revel in their light.

So, whether it was a blog, book, retreat or even one of my free masterclasses you attended that cracked you wide open to the possibility of transforming your relationship and love life… I wanted to share this information with you, these too common pitfalls, and encourage you to clamber back onto that wagon, dearest one!



And if you, like me, need a team mate to keep you accountable… AND you are truly ready to learn the HOW of relationships, dating and love… we should definitely chat.

Why can't you get your partner to really hear and understand you?

Each couple I coach has their own bespoke set of challenges, however there are a handful of issues, that seem to be consistent in each partnership, tearing away at the fabric of their love, trust and intimacy.

• Loss of passion, not limited to, however also including a dying sex life.

• Poor conflict resolution leading to circular, go no where fast, conversations and arguments.

• Affairs, emotional and/or physical where one or both have gone outside the relationship seeking their needs to be met.

• Problems with in-laws and extended family, where boundaries and respect are not being cherished.

• Loss of love, where one or both partners no longer feels cared for in a way they need to thrive.

This is why my coaching programs always offer instruction, tools and skill learning opportunities for each individual, within the partnership, to become better at leaping these common relationship hurdles.

We always start at the very root; COMMUNICATION!  

Wowza, communication is such a big topic and everyone is failing at this, we just can’t figure out how to make ourselves heard and our partners understand.

This week, I want to offer up a significant first step on the road of communication, where so many of you may be falling at the very first hurdle. 

One of the worst things we can do, and the very first most of us do.. is projection of self onto our relationship. Your partner is not a version of you. This means that what and they think, their needs and how they translate the world around them. is not the way that you will.

We can get trapped in the resentment fueled circular thought process of how WE would never do such a thing, say such a thing or react in such a way!  We interpret their actions and words, through our own lens… i.e. ‘If I didn’t take out the rubbish when asked, it would be because I don’t have any respect for them, and don’t care how busy they are!’ 

Just because, that would be our motivation and inferred message in this action DOES NOT mean, that is how everyone else thinks, let alone your partner. 

In fact, my experience as a relationship coach AND within my own marriage, has shown that it’s almost NEVER that simple.

Men and women have very different communication styles because their foundational needs that are driving the communication are totally different.  Beyond that hetero normative angle (um, NO men are not from Mars and Women are not from Venus) how we are raised, the role modeled behavior we saw growing up and our own personality traits directly impact how we communicate and resolve conflict. Newsflash, my same sex couples do NOT speak the same language simple because they are the same sex. If only, it was that easy!

Our communication boils down to our CORE NEEDS and If you are in the dark about these core needs, then here is your first problem and why you are struggling.

Your partner keeps saying,  “You never say, I love you!".

What do they really mean?

If you know that, you DO indeed say ‘I love you’, even occasionally, you will reject the whole statement at the “never” part sentence.  However, this unreasonable word, ‘NEVER’, is the first indicator that it’s not about the ‘I love you’ but something deeper and perhaps even completely different then the what the words above suggest. 

For men, and for many partners regardless of gender, this makes no sense.  AND, we have no idea how to solve it, so communication quickly becomes shut down.

Sadly, growing up we are not informed that being married for life needs life & relationship skills and new understandings.

Most couples are totally unaware of what they don’t know but need to if they are going to happily ever after this whole love thing.

How do we go from surviving, to thriving in our marriage and partnerships?!?

Please note: It’s not just you!  We ALL missed the Relationships 101 class at school, because it simply doesn’t exist, and many of us #notallofus, didn’t have very great teachers at home either.

I’m often the second to last call people make, right before the divorce lawyer or moving truck.  Crisis brings them to my door, and helping them breakthrough (their immediate problem) is a small part of what they really need. The biggest part is helping learn the skills to live a purposeful exciting life, as a team. It’s why I work with couples, and individuals in relationships, up to 6 months, personally guiding them through work around communication, love language, core values, mindset transformation, self love, intimacy, forgiveness and so much more.

You could say, I have created that elusive Relationships 101 class, we all missed.

And starting today...

CLASS IS NOW IN SESSION!

I have cleared some slots over the next couple of weeks for YOU to book a FREE Breakthrough To Love call, where we can spend 45 minutes together to sort a way forward in your relationship. 

(Yup, an appointment with me, FOR FREE!)

On this call, I will help you get clarity on where you have been, where you are at, and where you want to go with love and your partnership.

IF, and only if, we both think it’s a good fit, AT THE END OF THE CALL, I may invite you to become one of my new clients and tell you about the coaching programs I can offer, that will provide you with the solutions YOU NEED, in order to save your relationship AND become more healthy and happy within your partnership. 

SCHEDULE YOUR FREE BREAKTHROUGH TO LOVE CALL APPOINTMENT HERE

Looking forward to speaking to you soon, my darling!