Tis' the Season to find LOVE

I won’t sugar coat this for you,  December – March is my busiest time of year, for dating coaching clients.  It can be very lonely to be single this time of year, between random relatives asking if you are seeing anyone special followed by the ol’ ‘you gotta put yourself out there’ parting jab...  a ball dropping on New Years and no kiss in sight and then just when you think you made it out alive, hells bells(!!) freaking Valentines day comes trouncing into town like a toddler hopped up on sugar.  Cue massive eyeroll !

And I know it sounds  bit crazy to tell you this, BUT the holiday season is a great time to be single…

And whilst yes, watching couples smooch under mistletoe doesn’t feel like something to celebrate, here is exactly why it can be an incredible time to be out and about dating.  Read my top 3 reasons the holiday season is a great time to be single here

Top 3 Reasons the holiday season is a great time be single:

1.       ‘A time to spread goodwill and cheer’  There is something magical and festive about this time of year, that puts everyone in a more social mood. We have dinners and parties to attend, shopping to do and a feeling of getting the most out of the end of the year.  This means most people are more ‘up’ for going out, meeting up and have a unconscious drive to have a good time.

2.       ‘Busy time of the year’   For many of you, this is a very busy time of the year  Whether that be lots of evenings booked up with festivities or end of year deadlines looming.  One of the best tips I give my clients using online dating is to switch out a traditional first date for a much more casual and short ‘first meet’.    Setting up a 30 minute cup of coffee, glass of wine or hot chocolate by the Christmas tree in town gives us just enough time to get a much needed face to face first impression and confirm (or deny) what we saw online with in person reality.  It also dials back all the pressure and build up we can sometimes place on a longer first date, which helps us to ease any anxiety.   And, its way easier to propose this by saying something like… ‘weeks busy with Christmas parties but I would love to meet up!  How about we meet any such and such place for a quick this and that before I have to be at FILL IN THE BLANK party?’   And hey, bonus points if who shows up, barely resembles their online pics AND has the real life personality of a wet mop, cause you are not committed to, nor trying to figure our how to get out of a typical 1-2 hour date.

 

3.       ‘Say cheese!’  You know what else is a glorious by product of this time of year?  Great profile pic update opportunities as you sashay around town, a bit more glammed up, and filled with that certain confident festive sass than usual. Before the drinks get the better of everyone, grab that co-worker at the office Christmas party and gave them take some fun new pics for your dating profile.

Wishing you all the love this holiday season and as always remember, YOU ARE THE GREATEST GIFT anyone can find under the tree! xx

Want my help navigating the wilds of modern dating? Book in your FREE Breankthrough To Love call so we can chat. Happy Holidays!

Has lock down changed dating? [LOVE LETTER}

I am gleefully easing back into our normally scheduled program @ Love Letters, as the light of the lock down tunnel grows brighter.  You will still see some Self Care During Crisis tips being sent out, which I truly hope has helped to ease your path with some much needed coping skills during this pandemic, but it's time to jump back in to the love talk, with both feet baby!

So how has lock down changed the dating world?  And, what extended impact will Covid 19 have on your search for love, moving forward?


This has been a crazy couple of months, and for many the initial reaction to facing lock down was 'Whelp. there goes any chance of a love life!'  

However that couldn't be further from the truth.   Love always finds a way.  

I have had so many clients navigating dating during lock down, and discovering there are some huge pluses. 

How has the world of dating weathered a pandemic?  

Well, it's actually flourished!  This, is how and why.

Photo by Allie on Unsplash

THE HOW:

Ya' know how it feels like all your days are spend on video calls lately?  Along with work meetings and family calls, that's where dating moved too.  Zoom, Whatsapp Video Calls, Facetime, you name it, people have been meeting up to have a date on it.  And I do mean, dates... some go as far as making dinners to eat across a candle lit screen together! 

It may sound strange, even crazy.  You may be reading this with a wrinkled 'oh no I won't' nose right now... but it's happening and you are missing out on something truly transformational in online dating, since the first online dating app launched!
What is really lovely about this new pandemic wave format of dating, is that it pumps the breaks on the physical aspect and can super charge the intimacy building aspect of dating, which we have all been missing!

You can actually spend quality time, talking to someone and not just worried if they want a one night stand.

I have guided many of my private clients to up their virtual dates, by doing an online pub quiz, or doing a game night... either by participating in the loads being put on by others, or creating a game to be played just the two of them.  And, beyond raising the fun factor, it's made each of them feel like they actually went out for a night! 

('Going out' what are those words I am saying? I mean, i can't remember what 'Going Out' or 'Plans For the Evening' even mean anymore lol)

The dating industry, has followed virtual suit.  Moving speed dating and singles nights online, with great success.

People are finding that taking a physical step back from face to face dates, has proven to be a massive step forward in building more authentic connections.



Is it solely just online dating, extending to further 'online' dating? 

Many people are have 3-6 virtual dates and then, depending on how well those go, moving to meeting people in real time.  SAFELY!

This is a virus no one wants to mess with, and social distancing is proven to stop the spread.  So how do you date, while socially distancing?

Here are some great ideas, that people are loving right now AND are safe to pursue.

Original Photo by engin akyurt on Unsplash

SOCIALLY DISTANCED...

• Park Walks! 

• Picnics!

• Sunset drinks!

• Going for a run!

• Gazebo BYOB cocktails!

Outdoor dates are fab, because not only are you keeping healthy by staying 2 meters/6 feet away, you are in a well ventilated atmosphere.  Make sure you bring your own picnic or drinks and stay within the recommended Covid guidelines.



One of the greatest tools for dealing with attachment issues that cause us to go a bit crazy with fantasy OR get our running shoes on, is to slllllooowwwww down.   And this pandemic has slowed down dating, and the results can be pretty magnificent.

Photo by Kimberly Mears on Unsplash

So WHY is lock down changing the dating game and driving more authentic connections than ever?
​​First and foremost, the chemicals released on the brain during crisis, are EXTREMELY similar to those released when we fall in love.

Seeking out alliances, connections and community is a natural survival response to threat.  There is more power in numbers.   Back at the beginning of this whole mess, I sent out a love letter warning against falling in love too quickly during a pandemic, with very good reason.

HOWEVER,  it's not all bad. 
​
I know this pandemic has created an opportunity for many of us to take stock, re-evaluate and re-group around what's really important in life. This will naturally extend to our love lives, as well.   Its been a scary few months, and facing it alone, can really spot light our singleton status. Isolation during lock down, brings the very natural human emotion of loneliness right to the forefront for everyone, regardless of relationship status.  

The long lasting impact as we come out of Covid 19,  will be desiring connection and partnership will rise up.  People will be dating more intentionally and with a greater sense of purpose.



If you are already on the virtual dating train, I would love to hear some of your stories.  If you feel inspired by this email to jump in with both feet...

COMMENT BELOW… OR join us over at our girl gang fb group, click here ----> FEMINISTA SEEKS LOVE.

FREE Self Care During Crisis Series - Come Join us!

Well, life as we know it got real interesting real quick, didn't it?!?! 

I hope this blog finds you and yours, safe and healthy. 

Many of you are self isolating, quarantined, working from home, trying not to kill your partners as you both work from home (including me!!), feeling alone and extra EXTRA single right now, or working like a mad person in the medical field and service industries... AND ALL OF US, are faced with something, that in our lifetime, we have never faced before!

When faced with extreme uncertainty and heightened tensions on our timelines and news feeds, some of our anxiety levels are sky rocketing.  Some of us are burrowing deeply into denial.  While others are out panic buying all the toilet paper!  YIKES!

We need self care, more than ever right now.  To that end, I will be running a LIVE video series over in 'Feminista Seeks Love' facebook group for all my single ladies. 

Join us in the FEMINISTA SEEKS LOVE facebook group for this Self Care Series!

For those who do not fall into that category, you are still quite loved by me, my darling, AND I will be emailing you more regularly, with self care tips and tools.

My hope is to offer you as much support, care, and kindness over the coming weeks, as is within my gift to do so! 

If you are in the fabulous single ladies club, BUT you are not already a member of my fb group of like minded badasses, please do join us below.



If not, stay tuned here on the blog, as I offer us as much tools as I can muster for you to be kinder to yourself and take the greatest care in this time of crisis.   xx

Your Singleton's Valentines Survival Guide

Welcome To Your Singleton Valentines Day Survival Guide or...dare I say it THRIVAL guide?!? 

Heck Yes!

Yup, just a couple of weeks, till one of the most dreaded holidays of the singles calendar is upon us!  Yikes! 

And even though we know that V Day is a ridiculously commercialized money grabbing holiday, we still feel it.  It’s one of those annual days in the year where being without a partner, seems rubbed in our faces, in a special kinda hell way.

As tempting as it is, to dissociate from this whole day via a good head in the sand, there are sooooo many better options!

A large part of my coaching work with my single clients, focuses them in on living their best SINGLE life.  When we are happy, healthy and content on our own, we attract other happy healthy and content people...however this is also about stepping in the abundant belief that one day, this single life WILL be over… so we better enjoy it while it lasts!  Woot!

To that end, I gift thee this week, with the ultimate Valentines Survival Guide for those who are currently single.  No longer, does the 14th of February have to live in infamy within our minds and hearts!  

1.  The Anti-Valentines route

Attend an Anti Valentines party with Bumble.  The worldwide dating app Bumble, hosts some pretty fun Anti Valentines events so check out to see where they are doing one local to you.  Similarly, other dating apps, like Match, RevL etc.. also usually host parties too.  OR, just google 'Anti Valentines near me', and see what revelry stands out in the search result

2. A very Doggy Valentines

Take your sweet pupper to a doggie Valentines Day Event.

Oh hell yes, these exist.  And it can be a great way for you to not only honor your beloved dog on this special day, but also get swamped with doggy kisses from all in attendance.  And hey, maybe you’ll meet an owner or two, who is just your type too.

3. Dance, Dance, Dance!

Dance the night away!   One of my favorites is the Yonce Anti Valentines Day night in East London.  I mean, hello?  Dance the night away to Beyonce?!?!  Yes please!  

Grab some friends and head out for a night of some serious booty shaking fun.

4. Attend A Singles Event

Photo by Samantha Gades on Unsplash

Singles Events are bountiful the weekend of Valentines day.  A quick browse of Designmynight . com or Timeout quickly reveals just how popular this option is on Valentines Day.   Head out into the wilds to bravely meet other singles, who are looking for love on Valentines.

5. Pamper Yourself!

Photo by Noah Buscher on Unsplash

Check in for a oh so necessary afternoon at the spa, book in a massage, book in a yoga or meditation class or retreat, or simply set up the ultimate pamper night at home complete with a long bath bomb soap, champagne and a face mask.

6. Do something on Your Singles Bucket List

Image by Shutterbug75 from Pixabay

Do a crazy or self indulgent thing that is possible, because you ARE single!

Book a sky dive, drive a super car, go on a weekend city break, head off to the mountains for some skiing, go see the super sappy movie, or an all day rave…book in the kind of thing that you CAN do, because there is no other half to check in with, or kids to worry about!


Going on a solo adventure not an option?  Calling all my Single Mum’s and Dad's!  Book in a fab valentines adventure with your kids!  They qualify for ‘love of your life’ status, so why not?!?!

7. Get Your PALentines on!

Photo by AllGo - An App For Plus Size People on Unsplash

Skip the GAL only and gather for ALL your single fabulous pals for a night out or in.  Grab those single girlfriends, guy friends and non binary pals and head out for a nice dinner, some drinks or even better have a Palentines potluck complete with signature singleton cocktail (or mocktail) for a great night in, with some of your besties.

Hey, some of our truest soul mates in this life, are platonic lovelies, and they deserve all my love on Valentines day!

So, yeah. Greeting Valentines by closing your eyes, placing your hands firmly over your ears whilst chanting LA LA LA LA LA I CAN’T HEAR YOU!’, is NOT your only option!

I hope this Love Letter inspires your to change up your V Day routine.

What are YOU going to do for Valentines day, dearest one?

Comment and inspire us!

Resilience In Dating 101

If you have spent any time out in the wilds of dating, you already know that rejection can be a very large part of finding and attracting love.

Then again, life is full of rejection is it not?

Rejection from jobs.

Rejections from universities.

Rejections from publishers.

Rejections from credit card companies.

Rejections from bosses for promotions.

Hell, even our own bank account can offer a big old DECLINED when we were just about to brave it up for that pair of leather pants, we never thought we could rock, until just now!

Brene Brown, whom I love to bits, states in the TedTalk, that when other people dare greatly to be seen, get rejected, fail and get back up… we call it courage. In fact, Ted Talks is like the failure club. Almost every person who gets on that stage tells us their own stories of rejection and failure. 

So why are we so filled with SHAME instead of COURAGE when it comes to rejection in our dating life?

Why are we so focused on those who would not and could not SEE US and LOVE US, that we often give up, take breaks and find it soul destroying in the arena of love?

Building up some serious resilience to rejection is crucial if we are to triumph!

I have some of my tops tips (and some of my own personal memes for you to keep close) to help build up your resilience to rejection, so when that date foes badly, when they never call, or ghost you mid message.. my darling, you can rise strong each and every time!

Rejection is a blessing, in disguise;

Be philosophical about it – now you are free  to find someone who adores you, admires your loveliness and brings out the best in you.  This is not YOUR loss. You are still offering an incredible gift, YOU.  Beautiful, caring, smart, sassy, funny, incredible YOU. Grab on to the gratitude that your gift was not wasted on someone who could not or would not appreciate it! 

Hit that NEXXXT button, babes!

Thanks for rejecting me;

Consider all the reasons they were wrong for you. This helps to move on emotionally.

Write a list if it helps.

Even if that list is simply; IF they can’t have the human decency or honesty to communicate they’re not interested, (AKA ghosting!) then they’re NOT someone you want to be in a relationship with, anyways!

Sometimes we have to spend a whole lot of time, energy and thought filtering out the wrong ones.. Thankfully, they often do it for us!!  YASSS!

LIVE AND LEARN;

Sometimes we receive constructive criticism and advice which can be used to improve upon ourselves. It doesn’t mean we’re defective but it’s always a good practice to live and learn

If you have an amicable relationship with the person who rejected you, ask them why!  I strongly advise either this be a person you were friends with before the dating OR someone who offered the rejection in an adult and kind manner. 

This one requires some bravery, I know you got!

It’s too easy, to let life smack us around a bit.

That is, until we realize, this is OUR LIFE.  And though it has many things in it that we cannot control, we always have full power over what happens next.

How we respond.  To the situation, the person, place or thing… even how we respond to our feelings, is within our power.

We can love it back or hate every minute of it. We can focus on all things we have not, or on what we do have.  What we have to lose OR what we have to gain.

We can live in the solution. Or stay surrendered to the suffering.

Every minute, of every day. The choice is ours.

Today. In this minute. I CHOOSE LOVE. I CHOOSE RISING STRONG. I CHOOSE BEING SEEN AND HEARD!

What will you choose?