Self Care During Crisis Tip #3: Falling In Love During A Pandemic

Just lil ol' me back with another Self Care Tip ,

Today's Self Care During Crisis Tip is for all my singletons! 

Here was a great question posted in the Feminista Seeks Love group yesterday…

How long should you date someone before labels like girl friend/boy friend come into play? Before saying I love you?


It’s a question I get normally, and one of the first things I address with new coaching clients who are looking for love… HOWEVER yesterday, it gave me extra cause for pause.

Right now, we are in the throes of a worldwide pandemic, our present is discombobulated at best, and under direct threat, at worst.  Our future is super uncertain.  This is a crisis.  And crisis can do funny things to the heart!

Oxytocin is often called the "love hormone" or "cuddle chemical," but American and Norwegian researchers have found out that it may as well be called a "crisis hormone


-Norwegian University of Science and Technology

When we are under threat, our brains release Oxytocin, so we can fight, flight or freeze our asses for survival.   It also is what makes us band together to fight a common threat.  Trauma bonding is a real thing. And, in itself isn't inherently a bad thing... but confusing this with intimacy, profound once in a lifetime connection and with really knowing someone, can be a very bad thing.


There are countless examples of this… I always think of the movie SPEED, with Keanu Reeves and Sandra Bullock.  Classic example of two strangers, bonded together by an extremely traumatic survival situation, that ends, of course... with a big romance.  AND, the movie ends there.  What we don’t see is, what happened the weeks that followed that terrifying bus ride! 

Some of you were mid 1st, 2nd and 3rd date or more, when the world as we know it, fell apart and social distancing became the new black. And you have carried on, scheduling fun video dates with these people. Which is GREAT!  This virus dust will settle, and life will move on.  Yassss, keep moving forward with dating!

What concerns me as that during this crisis, oxytocin may very well be blending with some ‘oh shit, I'm all alone with no one to go through this big life stuff with’ and creating a cocktail of hot wired intimacy, that feels very VERY real… but is short cutting the simple fact that, true intimacy takes T I M E. 

Getting to know someone, and making an informed conscious decision to commit to that person, cannot be rushed.  I suggest 10-15 dates to clients, which depending on the circumstances, is approx. 3-6 months. By all means, request sexual exclusivity for safety reasons, but actually choosing this person as a partner?!?! Let’s not do that all hopped up high on Oxytocin! 

Self Care in this situation means, sloooowwww down.  Enjoy the ride of getting to know someone! 

We are on lock down people, time is what we have most of right now!






Oh, and one last BONUS tip for you, dearest , see below.

THIS!  ALL THE THIS!  lol  :)

Self Care During Crisis Series - Tip #2... OWN TODAY!

So, How's your apocalypse going ?

Tip #2 for the Self Care During Crisis Series, has arrived!  Hurrah!

Whether you are working from home, living in lock down, self isolating, temporarily out of work, quarantined or working like crazy in essential services, REGARDLESS OF YOUR RELATIONSHIP STATUS... I wanted to take some time to offer whatever help I could. 


This pandemic is scaryAF and has been life changing for all of us.   WE are all in this together! So I have launched this series to contribute some helpful tips to inspire you to take the greatest care of yourself. 

This is NOT a daily challenge!  Life is challenging enough, right now!   This Self Care Series is merely my own random acts of kindness, to let you know, I am here with you; ready to help in any way, large or small, that I can.


Many of us, have wayyyy more time on our hands than we did, this time two weeks ago.  And what so many of people have said to me, via email and online, is how fearful they are of being isolated home and disconnected from family, friends and life.   Prolonged cabin fever, is freaking many of non high risk folks, more than the Coronavirus does!

Photo by Nijwam Swargiary on Unsplash

I don't know about you, but I was out of decent TV by day three...

And although the idea of Netflixing ourselves into a coma, can seem like self care, in reality it's s a very short term fix, to a long term problem.

Disconnection, boredom, lack of movement, disruption to our normal routines and rituals, the feeling of being trapped in our own homes can lead to lethargy at best, and depression at worst.

Photo by JESHOOTS.COM on Unsplash

However here's the thing... alternating between mainlining box sets and scrolling through social media, whilst staring longingly out the window is NOT your only option!

What if we really set some intentions around HOW we can use this unexpected downtime?  

It may just be your normal commute to work time of 30-60 minutes that is no longer part of your daily routine!  Or it may be a whole lot more free time, than you have experienced in years!


See, I've been thinking a lot about this too.  How can I use this time productively, so I do not fall into the downward spiral of doom, gloom and out right cabin fever?!?!


Well, let's explore that for today's top Self Care During Crisis tip, shall we?

What intentional, nourishing, nurturing activities can you engage in during this time of isolation and social distancing?  Not a TO DO list, think of it as a TO NOURISH list!

What are some things, you have always wanted to do, but just never seemed to have any time for? 

Photo by Nathan Lemon on Unsplash

Yoga?  Knitting?  Painting? Learning a new language? Meditation? Refinish that dining room table? Paint some walls?  Finally design and plant up your garden? Map out that business you always dreamed of starting?  Design that website for your own blog? Read some books, simply for the pleasure of it?  Catch up on some fab podcasts?  Go for a run?  Tinker with the project that's been collecting dust in the garage? Pull out the sewing machine and make some drapes? Learn how to sew?!?!

Pull out a notebook and pen, my darling... and start setting some nurturing intentions for your very own 'TO NOURISH' list!




Here's my very own Self Care in Crisis 'TO NOURISH' list...

- Learn Italian!  Always wanted to, have been talking about it for years... never could find the time.

- FINALLY get my online Dating Coaching program created!  I have been dreaming about, promising women all over town, that I would create an online version of my coaching, however it is a massive amount of up front work... creating presentations, recording videos for 18 modules!  Well, I've already started last week, and I'm on Module 4 already. Hurrah!

- Improve my yoga practice!

- Read Becoming by Michelle Obama.  I have been picking it up and putting it down for over a year... now I am going to grab a lawn chair, sit in the garden and finish it! 

- Learn to play guitar!  Santa was kind enough to bring me one for Christmas, however, I have not made the time to really dedicate to learning... NOW I CAN! 

Photo by Emma Matthews Digital Content Productionvia unsplash

I am not trying to be cavalier about this global pandemic! 

People are ill, and dying. All of us are facing uncertainty, worrying daily and missing family and friends.  I am simply guiding you towards any damn silver lining we can find, right now.  And, hoping to assist you in living each day, to its fullest (now more than ever) and to take the greatest care of yourself during this tragic time, where anxiety, depression and fear are following us around, looking for an in.



What is on your personal 'to nurture' list?   Comment below and tell me all about it!

Self Care During Crisis Tip#1- How Your Relationship Survives A Pandemic

So, it probably FEELS LIKE day 3,046 of working at home with your partner, right now.  , I get it.  The Hubba Hubba has been working from home since last Friday, and has completely taken over the office, and taken with him, some of sanity and what feels like, all my precious alone time! 


Most of us have our own little worlds, away from our partners.  We have long stretches of time, socializing with colleagues, clients and intense work that requires focus. Or we have the super busy full time job of parenting, and not only is our partner all up in our biz right now, THE SCHOOLS ARE CLOSED??!?!   Lawwwwwd, what fresh hell is this?!  

Suddenly over night, day to day life as we know it has dramatically changed.  And not just in the oh, we share an office now, kinda way... but swirling around out there in the world is a news feed tornado of germs, politics, death tolls, worrying about older family members, empty store shelves, anger, fear, anxiety, denial, misinformation...and for some of us, leaving to go work in the park or at the coffee shop is not even an option, in this post lock down existence!

I overheard a divorce lawyer saying last week, his business would be booming when all the dust settles and the virus clears the air...  YIKES!

Um, yeah.  So here I am, inboxing you with the first of many self care tips for you, and your relationship!


This tip right here, has been my very own mantra this past 10 days... it has helped keep me centered, calm and present for myself and those I love... on most days.  (Um...I may or may not have fake coughed at the person who was breathing down my neck in line yesterday, while I was giving the person in front of me 6 feet of social distance...)  Ommmmmmmmm  :)

Today, I offer this #1 tip, my mantra, up on the altar of self care during crisis!

BE KIND & QUICK TO FORGIVE YOURSELF AND OTHERS, NOW MORE THAN EVER!

Never before, have we needed to extend all the kindness and forgiveness to ourselves and others, than right here, right now. 



The most natural human response to such a threatening, uncertain time like we are living through right now... is FEAR, ANXIETY and DENIAL.

And, for those three gremlins to come out sideways as anger, outrage and toxic positivity.

This pandemic is scary. Full stop!  


Maybe you are the one with the short fuse... OR out there refusing to social distance because then, it feels too real... OR snapping at the ones you love... OR panic buying because it makes you feel in control during such a vulnerable, powerless situation.  

Maybe you are the one getting angry and resentful watching others do the above!


Either way, shaming ourselves or others... standing on the mountain top of self righteousness, and generally beating ourselves and our partners up right now?  None of those things, are clinically proven to stop the spread and symptoms of Covid 19.

They are not serving you, dearest one. 

Right now, more than ever, we need to extend kindness to ourselves and others and be really REALLY quick to forgive. 

Image Credit: Priscilla Du Prez via Unsplash

We are truly living in unusual times, and the way people respond and our own behaviors are coming from a primal place of fear. 

Seek out ways today you can greet yourself and others with kind words and actions.

Grab onto forgiveness with both hands, when you or others fall short.

The only way through this, is together! 


Stay tuned, as I will be posting more tips for self care during this tumultuous time.

FREE Self Care During Crisis Series - Come Join us!

Well, life as we know it got real interesting real quick, didn't it?!?! 

I hope this blog finds you and yours, safe and healthy. 

Many of you are self isolating, quarantined, working from home, trying not to kill your partners as you both work from home (including me!!), feeling alone and extra EXTRA single right now, or working like a mad person in the medical field and service industries... AND ALL OF US, are faced with something, that in our lifetime, we have never faced before!

When faced with extreme uncertainty and heightened tensions on our timelines and news feeds, some of our anxiety levels are sky rocketing.  Some of us are burrowing deeply into denial.  While others are out panic buying all the toilet paper!  YIKES!

We need self care, more than ever right now.  To that end, I will be running a LIVE video series over in 'Feminista Seeks Love' facebook group for all my single ladies. 

Join us in the FEMINISTA SEEKS LOVE facebook group for this Self Care Series!

For those who do not fall into that category, you are still quite loved by me, my darling, AND I will be emailing you more regularly, with self care tips and tools.

My hope is to offer you as much support, care, and kindness over the coming weeks, as is within my gift to do so! 

If you are in the fabulous single ladies club, BUT you are not already a member of my fb group of like minded badasses, please do join us below.



If not, stay tuned here on the blog, as I offer us as much tools as I can muster for you to be kinder to yourself and take the greatest care in this time of crisis.   xx

Your Singleton's Valentines Survival Guide

Welcome To Your Singleton Valentines Day Survival Guide or...dare I say it THRIVAL guide?!? 

Heck Yes!

Yup, just a couple of weeks, till one of the most dreaded holidays of the singles calendar is upon us!  Yikes! 

And even though we know that V Day is a ridiculously commercialized money grabbing holiday, we still feel it.  It’s one of those annual days in the year where being without a partner, seems rubbed in our faces, in a special kinda hell way.

As tempting as it is, to dissociate from this whole day via a good head in the sand, there are sooooo many better options!

A large part of my coaching work with my single clients, focuses them in on living their best SINGLE life.  When we are happy, healthy and content on our own, we attract other happy healthy and content people...however this is also about stepping in the abundant belief that one day, this single life WILL be over… so we better enjoy it while it lasts!  Woot!

To that end, I gift thee this week, with the ultimate Valentines Survival Guide for those who are currently single.  No longer, does the 14th of February have to live in infamy within our minds and hearts!  

1.  The Anti-Valentines route

Attend an Anti Valentines party with Bumble.  The worldwide dating app Bumble, hosts some pretty fun Anti Valentines events so check out to see where they are doing one local to you.  Similarly, other dating apps, like Match, RevL etc.. also usually host parties too.  OR, just google 'Anti Valentines near me', and see what revelry stands out in the search result

2. A very Doggy Valentines

Take your sweet pupper to a doggie Valentines Day Event.

Oh hell yes, these exist.  And it can be a great way for you to not only honor your beloved dog on this special day, but also get swamped with doggy kisses from all in attendance.  And hey, maybe you’ll meet an owner or two, who is just your type too.

3. Dance, Dance, Dance!

Dance the night away!   One of my favorites is the Yonce Anti Valentines Day night in East London.  I mean, hello?  Dance the night away to Beyonce?!?!  Yes please!  

Grab some friends and head out for a night of some serious booty shaking fun.

4. Attend A Singles Event

Photo by Samantha Gades on Unsplash

Singles Events are bountiful the weekend of Valentines day.  A quick browse of Designmynight . com or Timeout quickly reveals just how popular this option is on Valentines Day.   Head out into the wilds to bravely meet other singles, who are looking for love on Valentines.

5. Pamper Yourself!

Photo by Noah Buscher on Unsplash

Check in for a oh so necessary afternoon at the spa, book in a massage, book in a yoga or meditation class or retreat, or simply set up the ultimate pamper night at home complete with a long bath bomb soap, champagne and a face mask.

6. Do something on Your Singles Bucket List

Image by Shutterbug75 from Pixabay

Do a crazy or self indulgent thing that is possible, because you ARE single!

Book a sky dive, drive a super car, go on a weekend city break, head off to the mountains for some skiing, go see the super sappy movie, or an all day rave…book in the kind of thing that you CAN do, because there is no other half to check in with, or kids to worry about!


Going on a solo adventure not an option?  Calling all my Single Mum’s and Dad's!  Book in a fab valentines adventure with your kids!  They qualify for ‘love of your life’ status, so why not?!?!

7. Get Your PALentines on!

Photo by AllGo - An App For Plus Size People on Unsplash

Skip the GAL only and gather for ALL your single fabulous pals for a night out or in.  Grab those single girlfriends, guy friends and non binary pals and head out for a nice dinner, some drinks or even better have a Palentines potluck complete with signature singleton cocktail (or mocktail) for a great night in, with some of your besties.

Hey, some of our truest soul mates in this life, are platonic lovelies, and they deserve all my love on Valentines day!

So, yeah. Greeting Valentines by closing your eyes, placing your hands firmly over your ears whilst chanting LA LA LA LA LA I CAN’T HEAR YOU!’, is NOT your only option!

I hope this Love Letter inspires your to change up your V Day routine.

What are YOU going to do for Valentines day, dearest one?

Comment and inspire us!

How do we avoid the common pitfalls of a transformative event or experience?

Wow, it’s been a hot minute since I’ve blogged! I have not forgotten you, but my gosh, It’s been a busy few weeks, with a load of fabulous new clients coming onboard and a retreat, to boot!

That’s right, a couple of weeks ago, I had the great honor and privilege of facilitating a Phoenix Rising Relationships Retreat for 50 amazing women. As with any event, there is usually some time for me to retrospectively process the weekend, the content and the results as attendees share what it has been like for them, post retreat. To see what successes and pitfalls, the folks who attended, have in the aftermath of such a powerful weekend.

Phoenix Rising Retreats; RISE 1 RELATIONSHIPS Oct 2019

Today, I want to talk to you all, regardless if you were on the retreat or not, about two of the most common and fatal of pitfalls after having an incredible learning experience about ourselves and relationships…

Up first, THE GREAT DUMP.

This is where we come home, high on all we have learned, ready to take on the world and completely transform and heal our relationships. Buzzing through the front door, grabbing our partners in a firm grip, and dumping ALLLLLLLL the things we learned AND ALLLLLLL the things that need to change, and emphatically stating what THEY NEED TO DO, RIGHT NOW!!!!

My co-facilitator put it quite eloquently during the Sunday wrap up… “Remember your partner did NOT come to the retreat! They did not have this experience!”

Oh, how easy it is to forget that little fact.

I use the analogy of the game of tennis. You and your partner are two players, on opposite sides of the court, who have been volleying the ball, back and forth, to and fro, the same way for a long time. The retreat attendees, do home, and change their footing, some for the first time, in a long while. They start whizzing the ball in a completely new direction. Which is great!! However, your partner is still frozen in their same position. The first, and maybe even, the first few times, you wing the ball onto the other side of the court, they will more than likely, miss the point.

If we expect our whole relationship to change within a week of us having a learning bomb dropped on us, like at a retreat, we are setting ourselves up for some serious disappointment. And, because we are so high on what we have learned, the crash down to earth in that disappointment can feel B R U T A L .

We can end up feeling even more alone and more hopeless about our relationship, then before.

Second biggest pitfall… LITTLE TO NO FOLLOW UP.

When we have these lightning bolt epiphanies, it can galvanize us into action, like never before! However, if we do not commit to, and follow up with consistent effort afterwards, that transformation, doesn’t stand a chance of truly taking root.

One of the aspects of coaching I love, is the aspect I need the most in my own life… someone to help me stay accountable. See, I can tumble off a good transformation wagon, quick. Just as quick and fervently as when I hopped on. At the end of the retreat weekend, we all committed to five great acts of self-love to incorporate into our own lives. Sadly, I know all too well, that many will not keep it up long enough to create a new habit of care and love for themselves, where it is most needed.

And others, will. And in doing so, shine so brightly into the new year, we will revel in their light.

So, whether it was a blog, book, retreat or even one of my free masterclasses you attended that cracked you wide open to the possibility of transforming your relationship and love life… I wanted to share this information with you, these too common pitfalls, and encourage you to clamber back onto that wagon, dearest one!



And if you, like me, need a team mate to keep you accountable… AND you are truly ready to learn the HOW of relationships, dating and love… we should definitely chat.

That dating life, tho'?!?! YIKES!

Oh the dating life... I remember it all too well.

I started off in life, as a serial monogamist, or as I like to call it ‘second date relationship girl’. I jumped in and out of long-term relationships, in part because I had no idea I was supposed to be actually carefully considering partnership choices i.e. I like you, you like me, (what little we actually know about each other) and that was enough to make it official… however, mostly, I was ‘second date relationship girl’, because I was terrified of being alone.

When I was 25, I had a 2.5 year live in relationship come to a spectacularly painful end, just as I was moving to NYC. I spent the next 2 years mostly alone, without a date in sight, and then I started to do something I had never done before… D A T E. And, by D A T E, I mean actually go out with multiple people, on multiple dates, trying to figure out if they were right for me, BEFORE getting into a relationship, and subsequently waking up 6+ months later, looking over in bed, and thinking ‘who are you?!?’

However, I was missing one crucial trick in the dating process. I had no idea what ‘right for me’ even meant, not really.

So, I spent 6 years, on the neck breaking careening roller coaster of dating, holding on for dear life.

I made load of mistakes. Dated some real cray cray people. I broke a few hearts. Got mine torn to shreds more than a few times, and somewhere around rock bottom, I was standing on the corner of 14th street and 5th Ave, crying into my best friends arms, after a from day one red flagged filled affair, I should have been way smarter then to get into, that left me broken.

I was stumped.

How could I be in my early 30’s and apparently be no real wiser in love? How could I, this smart, savvy, independent boss of a gal, who had an amazing career, great friends, kick ass hobbies and interests, living in the greatest city in the world, be so hopelessly single?!?!

Finally, I surrendered and sought some professional help.

On that journey, not only did I get...

• Some real clarity on what ‘right for me’ meant

• I was able to resolve some historical trauma and shame around love.

• I was able to leave my parents role modeled relationship to them, and not allow it to effect how I moved about the arena of love.

• I was able to become secure from within, in my ability to attract and choose a good one.

• AND free myself of some old ideas and behaviors that NEVER truly served me.

It was NOT an overnight cure. It was not without great effort, time and even some cold hard investment of cash. And it was one of the single greatest leaps, and investments in me, I have ever taken in my life.



About a year later, I met Mark, who you have heard me more often refer to as The Hubba Hubba, my hunka hunka burnin’ love. He didn’t look, talk, or act like anyone I had ever dated. He challenged me on so many levels, in the best of ways. Three years later, we were married. My continued work on myself, and relationships allowed me to not only pick a really REALLY good one, it stopped me from sabotaging it, with unrealistic expectations, and my old behaviors. Our relationship is NOT perfect, but hot damn, I look over at him now, ten years on, and I am more in love with him today, then I was in the beginning.

Who would have thought it possible?

Well, not me, for large part of my life. Sure, I hoped for it, I dreamed of it, but deep down I didn’t believe it was possible for me.

If you are reading this, and know exactly what I mean… I see you. I’ve been you. And I know the way forward, my dear!



Have you booked in your FREE BREAKTHROUGH TO LOVE call with me yet? Whatcha’ waiting for? If nothing changes, nothing changes, dearest one.